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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I just learned my husband inappropriately touched my daughter

Customer Question

I just learned my husband inappropriately touched my daughter when she was 21 years old, she is 23 now. She has been in theraphy for one and a half years. I am in such shock. Wes are seeking a therapist ourselves. I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I don't know how to help my daughter. I don't know how I can live with this man I trusted SOOO much. What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If you stay with husband, then you have to accept that he has touched your own child. That is your choice. It is up to you to decide if this something that can be resolved. This is the ultimate betrayal and you would have to accept that this happened. Are you prepared to stay with an abuser (that is what he is). He is willing to cross that line, and that may not be the only skeleton in his closet. You have to make a decision and no one can help you with that one. As far as your daughter, you need to decide how you will talk about this and include your decision about your husband. Include the feelings she will have in your decision. Other than that, you and her have to find ways to talk about this and allow her to feel heard. Your relationship with her will depend a lot on whether he can stay. If he does know that you have not validated her abuse and have trivialized it to a certain extent. You have some decisions to make. How will you respond to your daughter's pain and how you will respond to his behavior. I don't envy you

 

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Do you have a book you can recommend for my daughter? She's 23 now. She has been seeing a therapist for over a year now, even though she just told me about this. I need to give her a book to help her. Thanks in advance.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
There is an excellent book (and workbook) called The Courage to Heal. I use it in my practice all the time. It is the best
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
My husband is my daughter's step-father. My children are from my first marriage. We have been married for 10 years. My daughter was 13 when we married. I am still in a state of shock over this. I can't financially move out. I will have to stay with my husband until our house sells. But this also gives me time to reduce my credit card debt. My daughter wants to tell her two brothers, which I told her is up to her. I told her who she tells and when she tells is up to her. I am mainly concerned with her healing. I will deal with the aftershock as it happens. I have never dealt with anything like this, nor have I known of anyone who has dealt with this. My husband and I have seen a counselor one time with another meeting scheduled for this week. I am so confused!
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You need to schedule family therapy as well as the sessions with you and your husband. This is equally as important. You can resolve this in therapy with the children so that you don't feel you are dealing with this on your own. You and the kids can decide when to share and why. This needs to be addressed by a professional. If your child is in any danger including feeling uncomfortable you may have to arrange something more urgently

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