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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5132
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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ive had my 3yr old grandbaby since birth,

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ive had my 3yr old grandbaby since birth,my daughter had postpardum?i worked a local job until she was 3.i got good jod thur the wk out of town, my daughter wanted to start keeping the baby to build a bond? i felt things were not right when i come home on wkends.so i checked it out.i was right....the guy she had at my house for mths at night from 11 to 8 am was a guy that her last boyfriend brung to her apt and they both slept with her,thats how they meet??????the baby wasnt getting taken care of she was left in her bed till mother got up or baby was running thur the house while mother slept.baby has got alot of emontionl problems like not wanting me to leave to go anywhere.ive been home 8 wks now.....i went an told my parents everything daughter had been doing/ TESTED POSITIVE FOR OXYCODONE-OVERDOSE DOCTOR SAID ON SAID MONTH BEFORE.and the neglect she had done to baby.hoping for help i guess.they talked to her told her that was wrong an not to see him anymore.baby an i went to beach overr wkend .she saw him all wkend.i had bought her a car.so i took the key today from her .bc she was letting him drive the car.etc so i tell my parents bc she had been staying with them since this happen last wk. they said well it none of our bussiness. i do not let her stay here with the baby at all,only supervise vist....why would my parents keep being different from wk to wk,an am i wrong for the actions ive taken..daughter keeps texting me telling me im a bad mom,i stole her child, my daughter signed over full cousdoy to me at baby birth.me and my mom has had a rocky road since the baby was born.she always said i was bad evil since i was little.im trying to make a good life for the baby. my mom an dad both loves me along as im spending money on them.when i stop buying there is always some sort of problem that is started between me an my daughter bc i will not let her just treat this beautiful baby just anyway.my parents never ask if i need or if they can do anything for me.if i dont go over there oh well.they never come to my home.i pay everyones phone bill every month.i just need some sort of advice please......
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.

Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.


It sounds like a very difficult situation with your daughter. She seems to have caused quite a bit of trauma to your granddaughter. So supervised visits seem like an excellent idea on your part.

Are you able to move to a different city or different state so you could start a new life for this child?

It seems your relationship with your parents is not a normal one. Have they always been unhappy with you?

Why do you pay everyone's phone bills?

Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.

Let's go forward from the answers to these questions.

Please go ahead and post your response. I may be away from the computer for the night before you respond. If so, would tomorrow be okay for me to respond?

Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

thank you so kindly,

 

yes ,my parents have always been very unhappy it seems with me? in the last 2yrs i dont fuss with them i just stay away. but i get yoyo in every 3 to 6 mths it seems.......i dont understand the wishy wash stuff with them?we are taking about a baby.they know everything she has been doing.but this week it seems not so bad to them i guess..... and yes thoughts totally were to move out of town...this has caught me in a bad stop.i have no friends or family to turn too for help with the baby. so it will takes some planning. ive always felt bad about my self bc of the way my parents do.....but now with the baby....its really scarey to me of who am i dealing with.......my daughter keeps texting me saying i took her baby. im bad an evil......i guess im just needing some assurions that im not bad or dumb or evil.....you know about the phone bills ive always give my last dollar to them an my daughter...im just trying to get some sort of love or being treated like im a good person i guess. but really nothing works i really think my mom as always hated me.she has said to me before she could stand looking at me...she is a piece of work????????you know im 41 i have noone to tell me they love me its gonna be ok. or your doing a great job,or dont be depressed get up and go, its really been hard on me to find out my daughter was doing all these things. bc i thought she loved me an would always respect who i was......again so am i wrong for taking the car key as well.my mom called my brother an said your sister is doing her stuff again this week??????im not trying to be nothing----but to give this baby a normal life.without any crazyness.......DR. MARK THANK YOU SO MUCH.I NEEDED TO HEAR SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE ELSE.......IM CARRYING THIS ON MY SHOULDERS AND ITS VERY HEAVY RIGHT NOW....THANKS AGAIN

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for the added information. It helps a lot. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.

First, let me say I can imagine how overwhelming this situation must be for you. You clearly are trying to create some order out of chaos and you are not getting help from your parents or your daughter.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. It is important to accept that what IS really IS. What do I mean?

You will not buy your mother's and father's love with money and giving them things. Your spending money on them and your daughter doesn't make them see how much you love them and that you want them to love you. All it makes them see is that they can get things from you so you must think they're right. You must agree with them inside because you give them money even though they are not nice to you.

So this must stop first of all because you need to plan for YOUR life and future with this child. You have to save all your money and resources for what you need to do. So the money that you give to all of them needs to be put into savings to prepare you for your move to a different city or state. And if they complain, then you need to remember what Dr. Mark is advising you: you tell them that you really wish you could afford to help them, but right now you don't have the resources to help any longer. And that's all you say. No more. No apologies, no changing your mind.

And now the second step along with the money: you need to prepare to move. Actively prepare. Which brings us to the third step:

You have been looking for support from family. Instead, I want you to decide on where you might move and start looking at church congregations there. Find a church that is active and lively, that has programs for single adults, that has day care for little kids, that has lots of life. Because you and your granddaughter need a community. And a church that's lively is a great community! So start getting your support there.

If you know you can't move in less than 6 months, then do the same in your present town. Find a community of people that can be a support for you and your little granddaughter.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5132
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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