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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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Anxiety help

Resolved Question:

Im 18 and have been getting treatment for anxiety since January. Im home from college this summer and working full time at Subway. It's my second job and fourth week working there. I really like it. Both my parents were yelling at me tonight because I was running late for work this morning. I was up til 4am coughing because I am sick with a cold. I wasn't late, but I wasn't early like I'm suppost to be. My mom said she didn't think that I was taking my job seriously which is not true at all. I'm hardworking I got all As and Bs my freshman year of college, began job hunting in March and got three job offers by May. I do chores at home, because I appreciate that I can stay there. Now I'm up late crying because I'm upset. I don't have the best self-esteem, but my counselor said I need to believe in myself more and trust myself more and physically say positive things about myself. I'm a sensitive person sometimes and I think that the opinion of myself rides heavily on my parent's opion of me. In other words, we had a fight. Their constructive criticism resulted in me pointing out the things I do right to give myself more confidence. I don't have a lot of confidence. So I don't know what to do. I really feel alone, like I desperately need to talk to someone, anyone. I don't know if that is just my anxiety tho?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 5 years ago.

I think what's happening is that your not getting much support at hope, and that, coupled with your lack of self esteem and need to please others is at the root of your feelings.

We need to boost that self esteem, and in order to do so, I’dlike you to use this tool:

This Bill of Rights was one of the tools used by Virginia Satir, a well-known family therapist. Containing some really basic psychological rights belonging to every person, it really helps to identify and deal with areas in which we have problems.

Read the statements. Note down any immediate thoughts or feelings that come to you and discuss with your therapist.

Look at yourself in a mirror and read it out loud to yourself. Listen to your voice grow in strength and volume so that you can really start to feel it inside. In the beginning, you may feel silly or embarrassed. You may hear the inner voice say, "That's not the truth". Just hang in there and keep doing it - you'll notice the change within six weeks, if you do it regularly.

1. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I

do, say, think or feel.

2. It is OK for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways.

3. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decisions.

4. I have the right to say "I don't understand" without feeling stupid or guilty.

5. I have the right to say NO.

6. I have the right to say No without feeling guilty.

7. I do not have to apologize or give reasons when I say NO.

8. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me.

9. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly.

10. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty.

11. I have a right to tell others when their behaviour annoys me.

12. I do not have to compromise my personal integrity.

13. I have a right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. I have a right to be wrong.

14. I do not have to be liked, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.

These ARE your tights make sure that others respect them – and that you do too!

Besr wishes, NorrieM

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