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I believe you nailed it when you said he doesn't have the passion or intensity to make me a permanent aspect of his life. He has a lot on his plate without making excuses for him. An asperpers 13 year old, a 17 year old bi-polar daughter ( I love them both dearly and he admits no one is better with them than I, but I really don't want to be Mary Poppins, I just love kids (I am a teacher for a reason:). But truly, am I wrong about this?
I'm not taking it personally, because I don't thing he knows how to feel that depth of a relationship. He definitely does not want me out of his life, that is for sure, and vice versa. Isn't this lack of feeling characteristic of aspergers. The students I have taught with it have different flavors of it, and I see it in his son. Should I accept the terms of friend. I am 55 and ten years older than he is, he says I am a young 55 and he is an old 45. True, but we love hiking, nature, we went to Ireland last year and it was spectacular. We had dinner tonight and it was very open (good for me to get him to talk), but no pressure. I told him I thought that all the times he said he loved me were to appease me. Very few times did it feel real. We had a wonderful physical relationship, the best either one of us have ever had, I know that to be true. So what do I do? Tell me and make this simple for me. You're the doctor and obviously I need your advice.
Keep in mind, please, he even went to see a doctor about his lack of feelings, and I know he has a mild case of aspergers. I see it in his maps obsession, sensitivity to cold, fabric. and after a year and a half of a wonderful relationship where we NEVER argued, the need to be free.
I can do it. I haven't any choice. Life is too short and maybe, just maybe, in all likely,
God just brought us together for a season. I imagine you are absolutely right about the fact that we may gravitate away into other relationships. I told him tonight that he will always be my friend, but that I cannot do the physical part, and of course he completely understood. I also told him I know and have known this is all he can offer me.
You have been tremendous help in confirming what I already knew but when you're thinking it all by yourself, it's hard to know for sure.
Thank you so much.