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Hello and thank you for your question.
Can you tell me what the money is spent on? Is it for basic living expenses, or is it for gambling, impulse buys etc? Do you know what triggers the spending? Also, do you know approx. how much credit card debt there is, and also is this person able to save money too, or is only a spender?
thank you for the additional info...
The money is not used for gambling, drugs alcohol, sex or a love child coverup. Have been faithful to my wife in that regard. Spend when depressed sometimes on food, sometimes taking my daughters out and other things.
Credit card debt is 37,000. Have a stable job and am paying it off slowly. Sometimes minimum payment sometimes more. Just don't want my wife to find out as it would hurt her.
Feel like I am living a lie.
Okay thank you for the additional information.
So, the money is not used for any kind of addiction which is good news, however it is used more as a mood enhancer, or to feel good in the short-term. However in the long term this is causing problems because you are living beyond your means. 37,000 is significant debt b/c as it grows and/or for any other reason, you couldn't make the payments, then of course you will be getting collections calls etc. and your wife will then find out, and so on....
You are living a lie in that your financial life is hidden and this puts a huge burden on you, and also contributes to the depression you feel at times. What you need to do is get on a credit card debt consolidation program (such as Novadebt, which is non-profit) where you make one payment to them, and they get you on an interest free repayment plan with your creditors, whereby all debt can be paid off quickly...
Also, you do need to see a therapist for help with this issue. One on one would be sufficient for you.... and a great idea. The good news is that you can easily resolve this issue with some financial help and some good counseling to help you choose other behaviors rather than spending when you are feeling a certain way...
Please tell me your zip code and I can provide you with a list of therapists in your area, and also if you have insurance let me know your carrier.
This list is for therapists in your vicinity.... you may also want to call your doctor and ask for any referral in your town, or closeby. Best wishes!