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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5786
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Why is it that my husband (seperated 4mths) continues to lie

Resolved Question:

Why is it that my husband (seperated 4mths) continues to lie about the female that he is involved with. He says that he is not in a realationship with her but yet 3 times already he has put her before his kids and says that it's me that it's all in my head!! He also continues to yell at me and always throwing stuff in my face like how he helped me when my back went out on me and he also says that I use the kids to my advantage which is a total lie, I've been nothing but open with him as far as him seeing his kids I never stopped him from seeing them nor would I. Why is it that he keeps telling me that he's the one living in an apartment that he doesn't want to be in. I said to him YOU put yourself there!!! I don't understand why it is that he keeps getting so angry at me all the time it almost feels like verbal abuse the way he speaks to me and the things he says, like, we are not married anymore and I don't love you what part of this don't you get. I did ask him to get divorce papers from his lawyer and I'll sign them that way you legally free to do whatever you want and leave me alone. It's almost like you are been phyically abused by your husband and then the next time he sees you he's soooo sorry; that's what it feels like only my is verbal! When I asked him about the papers he never answered me. What should I do at this stage?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like your husband is excusing his behavior by putting the responsibility and blame on you. It is a way for him to avoid feeling guilty and responsible for what he is doing. He may also be in denial about his behavior and truly believe that you caused him to act out this way. Also, he could be narcissistic in which case he will see himself as more important than anyone else, including his family and the female he is seeing now.

 

Whenever someone cheats in a marriage, it is always their choice. No one can make anyone cheat. There are many options in dealing with marital problems, but cheating does not solve any issues. It only makes things worse.

 

Your husband is probably acting the way he is because there is something going on with him that needs resolved. He is either having a problem with the marriage and doesn't have the ability to address it directly, or he has an emotional issue that needs treatment. His inability to sign the papers for divorce shows that he is not sure what he wants. He may feel that having the safety of your marriage and your family is too frightening to him to give up. So he denies the outside relationship he is having so he can drag out the marriage with you. But he has difficulty handling being married and the issues that come with it so he isn't comfortable in the marriage either.

 

If you feel strongly about ending the marriage, talk with your attorney about your choices legally to get your husband to sign the papers. But if you feel you want to make a go of the marriage, then therapy is a good idea. You can either talk with your pastor if you attend church or search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. If your husband won't go, go yourself. You need support right now with this situation.

 

Either way, you need to decide what you want to accomplish and stick to it. It does not sound like your husband is sure of what he wants so it is, unfortunately, up to you. Making the choice will also help you feel more in control and you will be able to move forward with your life.

 

I hope this has helped,

Kate

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?

 

Kate

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