How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask AgapeDoc Your Own Question

AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
AgapeDoc is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

If after 49 years of marriage, you learn something that makes

Customer Question

If after 49 years of marriage, you learn something that makes you definitely not want to celebrate 50 years with someone, what should you do? It is something I would not be able to discuss with anyone else. Money is tight as a couple...split in two, it wouldn't last long. I'm getting older and have some health concerns with NO friend or relative in this town to helpl. I have a brother who is retarded and requires much assistance. My husband has been helpful with that. Should I get a divorce? We have 2 sons together (in Calif) and he has 3 children from previous marriage in Oregon. I desperately want a divorce, whether we live together or not. I wish we would not need to live together. He, I'm sure, would not want a divorce.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue. What did you learn that makes you want a divorce?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

It's a problem of a sexual nature, but one I'm not willing to totally reveal. I don't know whether I've missed seeing the problem for 49 years, or if it has occurred only during his senior years.

 

I'm sorry I can't say more than this.

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
You have every right to ask for a divorce if that's what you want. It seems that you know what you want to do, but don't know how to work out the logistics (living together while being divorced, etc). This is tough and if he doesn't want a divorce in the first place it makes it even more difficult. There are couples that divorce and still live together, but it can't be easy and I don't know how you will do it based on what you have said. At any rate, what you have missed or not missed over the last half a century is not as relevant as might be giving it credit for. What matters is what happens now.

In all honesty, you are going to have to confront the issue rather than dance around it as you have been doing. I know it will be challenging, but no more challenging than what you have been doing. After the issue has been exposed for real, you will have a better idea of what to do. Until you confront it, you will be stuck in the position you are in now.

I suggest that you speak to a clergy member or a licensed professional counselor. Additionally, I suggest you seek guidance from an organization that supports abused women - I understand that this may not be exactly your situation, but in my experience they can help women with issues such as you are dealing with - they can at least give you direction on where to go from here.

I hope I have given you some helpful answers to your tough situation. If so, please click on the green accept button so I can get credit for my answers. If I haven't been helpful, would you please respond with a specific question or let me know what you are looking for that I didn't pick up on.

In any event, I wish you much peace.
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I do accept your thoughtful answer. I do think an organization dealing with abused women might make me feel more postive about my own rights and feelings and I might learn how to deal with the situation better. I thank you for your advie.
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
Thank you and I wish you the best.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education