Hello and thank you for your question.
It really sounds like you are gaining insight into yourself and that you would like to make some changes. Can you tell me how you know you have a personality disorder? Have you been diagnosed by a therapist or clinician, and if so, which diagnosis did they make? This helps me to understand more and better help you.
Okay thank you for that information.
The best thing that you can do is to seek out counseling/therapy for yourself with a qualified person. It's not apparent if you really do have a personality disorder, however what is more important than that even, is that you are very willing to get some help to overcome these obstacles.
It sounds like they have stemmed way back to childhood and this is why therapy is most definitely recommended for you. You will really need the support to gain that insight into yourself, understand why you have acted/reacted the way you have that has pushed people away, and then shift those behaviors into something more constructive.
But, you need ongoing counseling in order to successfully do that and maintain that. Please tell me your zip code and I can send you a list of therapists....
Please just click on this link and it will take you to therapists in your area, and you can read their profiles and see their photos, etc. Best wishes....