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Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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I am concerned that my partner is depressed. Due to his pride, it seems difficult for him

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I am concerned that my partner is depressed. Due to his pride, it seems difficult for him to acknowledge the difficulties he has, emotionally. He has had a series of quasi-executive level jobs; none seem to fulfill him and he usually comes home tired and cranky. Not to mention, he is often paradoxical in his decisions. I am not sure what to make of it. He sees a therapist who does not think he is depressed. Unforunately,the situation has put us at arms length due to communication difficulties.We have been together for almost five years but this has made planninb a future together complicated, to say the least. Are these signs of depression? I don't know what else to do to help? Some additional pieces of info about my partner: he is 47, gay, not out to his family. He has his MBA and is working towards his Phd, which he has not really committed himself to. He is also a bit of a perfectionist. Maybe he is not depressed, I don't know, what is clear though is that he is not enjoying his lif
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations with your partner.

It sounds to me like your partner consistently makes poor decisions or decisions that do not really meet his personal/emotional goals/needs and he lands up unhappy as a result of those decisions. This inability to do what is right for him or what would bring him happiness could be a symptom of poor self-esteem and/or deep rooted insecurities. It also sounds to me like his depression could be the result of his poor decision making rather than the cause.

At this point it seems that your bringing up the possibility of his being depressed is only putting him on the defensive and pushing him away from exploring this idea. So I would recommend suggesting to him the idea of couple's counseling instead. In couple's counseling you would be able to bring up your concerns in a supportive space and the therapist would then be able to help the two of you to meaningfully discuss this. You could also focus right now on his decision making and why he consistently makes decisions that don't truly meet his needs at best, XXXXX XXXXX self-sabotaging at worst. This might open a new channel of communication. I'd encourage you to broach the topic in a supportive manner though so that he doesn't get discouraged or feel attacked.

I hope this was helpful. Please do let me know if you have questions/thoughts.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
Arundhati and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Arundhati, thanks for your kind and encouraging reply. I need to sleep on this and best determine how to handle. None-the-less, this was pertinent advice and helps me see his situation in a different light.

Regards,
Adam

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