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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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I am affected by erectile dysfunction and I have trouble in

Resolved Question:

I am affected by erectile dysfunction and I have trouble in general with a low libido. For years when I was on my own I kind of saw it as advantageous not to have much of a sex drive (so I could be spared the frustration?) but five months ago I met a lovely lady and a few issues have come up. I am currently using Cialis and we've had some fantastic sex on that, but I do not know whether it is a brilliant idea to depend on that. She's admitted that sometimes she has had sex with me when she has not entirely wanted to, out of consideration for me having popped an expensive tablet. On the flip side, I will go to bed having not popped a tablet because I'd rather her have sex with me when she wants to, but alas, I can't sustain an erection.

The more I worry about it, of course, the worse it gets. It's honestly been easier to just pop a tablet and then have sex effortlessly.

So what can I do? How can I sustain an erection without the tablets, and how can I do this without the tablets, without risking bad sex?

BTW, I have morning erections and I can masturbate without too much effort. I think the problem's more psychological than physical.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

From what you describe it does sound more like a psychological problem than a physical one. I would recommend however that you contact a General Physician just to rule out any medical origins to this problem. Sometimes other conditions like thyroid, vitamin deficiencies etc. can lead to a decreased libido.

This part, at the heart of most Erectile Dysfunction (ED) cases that have their root in psychological issues, is anxiety. Anxiety around the ability to perform, and afterwords, anxiety from having failed to perform previously, leads to inability to perform in the present. Over time, certain negative beliefs around performance (e.g. I may not be able to perform) gets fixed in our minds making it very difficult to break out of it. The best way to address this in my opinion would be to consult with a professional therapist who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You can consult with a sex therapist or a therapist who specializes in anxiety issues - but typically it will be good if they use the CBT modality. I'm providing the link to a directory which will help you to search for therapists in your area who are specialized in sex therapy, anxiety etc. I would encourage you to consult with a therapist. You should start to see a difference within a few sessions.

I hope this was helpful.

Please do let me know if you have questions/clarifications.

Also, please consider clicking on "Accept" if this was helpful as experts are not credited for their time or service otherwise.

Kind Regards,

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Well I have had about seven years on anti-depressants in the past, and I have been off them since the beginning of last year. My anxiety really does RAGE at times: I just try to sit out moods and keep that anxiety to moments on my own as taking it out on others is destructive. I especially do not want my girlfriend to see or experience any of it because I know how destructive it can be to relationships.


Yes, yes, the feeling rotten about it definitely does not help. That's why I just find it easier to pop a tablet, to be bloody honest.


Well, I will look at that directory. I live in rural/regional Australia so I do not know who would specialise in sex therapy. It might be just a clinical psychologist. Would a hypnotherapist be more effective????

Expert:  Arundhati replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for your reply.

Ok, since you're in Australia - here's a directory that lists therapists by area. Take a look.

Yes - I think the high level of anxiety can have a lot to do with your ED. So it's very important to process the anxiety, the moods and the depression. I'm not sure if you've been in therapy before, but it is highly recommended for your situation. It is now commonly recognized in the US that medication alone is not enough for Depression and that the optimal combination is medication plus therapy.

If you're unable to find a sex therapist then yes, a clinical psychologist would be a good start.

Good luck to you.

Kind Regards,

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