How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Arundhati Your Own Question

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
41101243
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Arundhati is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am affected by erectile dysfunction and I have trouble in

Resolved Question:

I am affected by erectile dysfunction and I have trouble in general with a low libido. For years when I was on my own I kind of saw it as advantageous not to have much of a sex drive (so I could be spared the frustration?) but five months ago I met a lovely lady and a few issues have come up. I am currently using Cialis and we've had some fantastic sex on that, but I do not know whether it is a brilliant idea to depend on that. She's admitted that sometimes she has had sex with me when she has not entirely wanted to, out of consideration for me having popped an expensive tablet. On the flip side, I will go to bed having not popped a tablet because I'd rather her have sex with me when she wants to, but alas, I can't sustain an erection.

The more I worry about it, of course, the worse it gets. It's honestly been easier to just pop a tablet and then have sex effortlessly.

So what can I do? How can I sustain an erection without the tablets, and how can I do this without the tablets, without risking bad sex?

BTW, I have morning erections and I can masturbate without too much effort. I think the problem's more psychological than physical.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

From what you describe it does sound more like a psychological problem than a physical one. I would recommend however that you contact a General Physician just to rule out any medical origins to this problem. Sometimes other conditions like thyroid, vitamin deficiencies etc. can lead to a decreased libido.

This part, at the heart of most Erectile Dysfunction (ED) cases that have their root in psychological issues, is anxiety. Anxiety around the ability to perform, and afterwords, anxiety from having failed to perform previously, leads to inability to perform in the present. Over time, certain negative beliefs around performance (e.g. I may not be able to perform) gets fixed in our minds making it very difficult to break out of it. The best way to address this in my opinion would be to consult with a professional therapist who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You can consult with a sex therapist or a therapist who specializes in anxiety issues - but typically it will be good if they use the CBT modality. I'm providing the link to a directory which will help you to search for therapists in your area who are specialized in sex therapy, anxiety etc. I would encourage you to consult with a therapist. You should start to see a difference within a few sessions.

I hope this was helpful.

Please do let me know if you have questions/clarifications.

Also, please consider clicking on "Accept" if this was helpful as experts are not credited for their time or service otherwise.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Well I have had about seven years on anti-depressants in the past, and I have been off them since the beginning of last year. My anxiety really does RAGE at times: I just try to sit out moods and keep that anxiety to moments on my own as taking it out on others is destructive. I especially do not want my girlfriend to see or experience any of it because I know how destructive it can be to relationships.

 

Yes, yes, the feeling rotten about it definitely does not help. That's why I just find it easier to pop a tablet, to be bloody honest.

 

Well, I will look at that directory. I live in rural/regional Australia so I do not know who would specialise in sex therapy. It might be just a clinical psychologist. Would a hypnotherapist be more effective????

Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for your reply.

Ok, since you're in Australia - here's a directory that lists therapists by area. Take a look.

Yes - I think the high level of anxiety can have a lot to do with your ED. So it's very important to process the anxiety, the moods and the depression. I'm not sure if you've been in therapy before, but it is highly recommended for your situation. It is now commonly recognized in the US that medication alone is not enough for Depression and that the optimal combination is medication plus therapy.

If you're unable to find a sex therapist then yes, a clinical psychologist would be a good start.

Good luck to you.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
Arundhati and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Arundhati
Arundhati
Mental Health Professional
256 Satisfied Customers
Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author