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Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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have just recently ended a 20 month relationship with single

Customer Question

have just recently ended a 20 month relationship with single mom with three wonderful girls,had trouble with saying i love her due to how we got into the relationship,at the start a was thinking i wanted to move away. had confusion at end of it all thinking i may have to move because of job and also custody problems through courts with her ex-husband all this and doubts about if i'm really in love with her.but now i'm starting to have second thoughts because she seems to suit and complement me very well,but i really dont want to hurt her kids and her due everything they have been through
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

You are clearly based with a difficult situation. On the one hand you want to be in a relationship with this woman on the other hand you feel that there are too many obstacles (custody issues etc.). I think what you need to do is feel absolutely certain about the relationship before going back to her. Since she is a single mom with three daughters who is fighting a custody battle with her ex-husband, she is clearly in a vulnerable place. It would be difficult and emotionally damaging for her as well as her daughters if you go in and out of her life. I would therefore recommend that you give the matter some thought and only if you feel that you can wholeheartedly commit to a long-term relationship with her should you consider going back.

If you are unsure, or feel like you're not quite ready yet then it means that you're struggling with certain unresolved conflicts and it wouldn't be advisable to go back to the relationship if you're in that stage.

I hope this was helpful.

Please let me know if you have questions, thoughts. Please click Accept if this was helpful as experts are not credited for their time or service otherwise.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
Arundhati and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

just before we broke up i suggested we take a break for 2 weeks so i could try and think through things in a clearer frame of mind but she contacted me ,we met spoke and i broke up thinking she was more upset this way.is it o.k to give it 1-2 months so i can really try and work through my real long term thoughts with everything i just dont want to go back unless i'm 100% sure,i just dont want hurt her 3 little girls anymore

Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for Accepting and for your reply.

Yes, absolutely. I think it is a good idea to give it a couple of months so that you can think through and make a clear-headed decision. It is much better for you to be 100% sure than make a half-hearted decision and start to regret it again after a few months.

I hope that helps. Good luck with everything and please do let me know if you have questions/thoughts.

Kind Regards,

Arundhati

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