Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like that your feelings towards your husband may have to do with fear and the need to control. The key here is finding out why this occurred and how you can fix it.
One of the first steps you can take is to understand why you act the way you do with your husband. Were you abused as a child? Were you taught this is a normal way of interacting in a relationship (for example, you witnessed you parents acting like this), or were you raised to be dependent on others for your needs? All of these are possibilities to explain why you feel the way you do. It is important to get to the root of the behavior so you can address what happened to you and learn how it should be different.
You may also want to consider therapy. A therapist can help you explore why you feel the way you do and how you can change it. Because of the nature of your problem, it is a good idea to see the therapist on your own at first. Then, when you and your therapist agree, ask your husband to join you. That will give you both the opportunity to start working on this issue together.
To find a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
You can also work on this issue through self help. Here are some resources to help you get started:
Healthy Dependency: Leaning on Others Without Losing Yourself by Robert F. Bornstein and Mary A. Languirand Ph.D.
Addicted to "Love": Understanding Dependencies of the Heart : Romance, Relationships, and Sex by Stephen Arterburn
How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo and Kathlyn Hendricks
Taking Out Your Emotional Trash: Face Your Feelings and Build Healthy Relationships by Georgia Shaffer
Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day by Anne Katherine
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
As long as you can learn healthy boundaries with your husband, you have a good chance of repairing your marriage. Your motivation is there and you are working on this problem. Let your husband know this and ask him for time to work on making your marriage better. Once he sees you are trying, it should make your marriage stronger.
I hope this has helped you,