Last night he asked me once again if I would stay after he had literally thrown me out of his life, I said with one condition: that he goes for counselling. He immediately added that he didn´t believe in that type of thing as his ex-wife had already taken him to a psychologist and that it didn´t work and she had agreed with him that it was a waste of money. I insisted and said that it would be the only way he would make me stay. I cried all night and at some point I even became hysterical, to which he seemed annoyed. This morning I ignored him and in the car he asked me again if I was staying, to which I replied again that I would stay on condition that he went for counselling, but that if at any time he refused or did not finish the treatment, I would leave. I heard him almost sob, but he agreed. I have made an appointment for next Saturday. I forgot to tell you the last time I closed his Facebook account on his request, he started to ignore me and he kept causing arguments with me for minor reasons and picking on me all the time. He said that all he wanted to do was "talk to people" and I don´t want him to socialize. I have come to realize that if I force him to get off Facebook, he reacts with resentment and if on the other hand I give him the slightest chance, he takes advantage. Yes, he does have a history of doing that, he started that on the first year of our relationship and then I found out and almost left him, so he asked me to put a password XXXXX the computer which I did. Things went well for years until about 2 and a half months ago when he asked me to open a Facebook account and because I had one, I thought it fair for him to have one too. That is when it all started. He has made life a misery for me since then. He accuses me of being over possessive and says that I am the cause of my own grief. However, he himself his very possessive - before he had his Facebook he used to go through everything in it, but as soon as he started his "little game" on his own Facebook he suddenly was no longer worried about checking my Facebook. Also, he is very jealous of a colleague who brings me home every day even though I have on countless times proven to him in many ways that there is nothing between us. I even let him go through my phone and I never hide anything from him. After all, why would I bother to keep believing in his promises if I had somebody else? Do you think this can also be the result of what he is doing to me now?
How can he possibly love me as he says if he keeps hurting me and refuses to respect me?
Yesterday evening we had another big argument after I had told him I had made an appointment with the psychologist. He once again repeated the same thing about not believing psychologists and was in fact very arrogant and aggressive and wasn´t in the least interested in what I was saying and kept talking uninterruptedly in a loud manner (as he always does) so that I didn´t have a chance to talk. I showed him your answer (as I had already told him that all the other women I had spoken to had the very same opinion as you) and he was very upset, threw the paper on the floor and replied: “You believe what you want to believe”.
I tried to reason with him but he didn´t want to hear. My aim was to convince him in a nice way and point out to him that he was wrong, but still he insisted that he was not doing anything wrong and that he only wanted to talk to people, refused to admit that he was obsessed with Facebook and told me that I am far too possessive and that I brought all of this on myself. I said that if he at least admitted that he had a problem and was honest and sincere with me, it would go a long way towards saving the relationship, but still he insisted that there was nothing wrong with him. He replied aggressively that if I wanted him to go to the psychologist he would and what more did I want, anyway he said again it was a waste of time. He also said that he had already asked me to close down his Facebook account and what more did I want? So I replied: “Well, what an attitude like that…that´s fine, then, let´s forget about the whole thing and I will be leaving. Only then did he come after me to ask if I was really leaving. I then tried again but no, still the same. So I said no more and once again he asked if I was leaving him and when and I said it was up to him. He replied aggressively that he had already said that he would go to the psychologist if that was what I wanted.
Last night I didn´t sleep much and I woke up deeply depressed. This morning I was in the study but because I was feeling so unhappy I put my head down on my arms over the desk and stayed like that for a few minutes. He saw me like that and immediately became worried and came to ask me what was wrong. I replied that he really had messed up my life to such an extent that I had no pleasure in living anymore and that I was ready to give up living as I was losing strength. That seemed to soften his heart immediately and make him wake up because he then asked if we could try to save the relationship. I agreed. His manner changed completely in a positive way. What do you think of that? Anyway, it goes to show that he only reacted because he was worried that I might commit suicide and how my relatives that are all overseas (including my daughter) would react towards him. He knows I have told my daughter just a few days ago about all that is happening and that she immediately advised me to go back home.
I am totally shocked that I have only found out now what he is like. I can´t get over this and from now on I will change in that I am going to become more assertive towards him and I will not allow him to control me in any way. Thank God I never got married to him! I now feel so hurt and incredulous that he is such a cold person, I just can´t accept it!
Today I have done what he asked me to. I have closed down his Facebook account but before I did it I changed his email address (as I opened another email account for him) on the settings and his password. He will not hurt me with that again if I can help it. I just hope he doesn´t turn aggressive…
Meantime I think I must start sorting out my life because this person that seemed to loving and caring has now turned out so cold and manipulative that I feel it was a waste of 6 years of my life. You were absolutely right… I had better leave as soon as I can before this person hurts me even more… I really must thank you for your honest opinion and support. It means so much to me. I will keep giving you feedback. Once again, thank you!