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Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience:  15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
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why would someone lie to family and friends about having cancer,

Resolved Question:

why would someone lie to family and friends about having cancer, if they don't accept any help from them?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. K replied 6 years ago.
There are several layers to this type of behavior.

It sounds like somebody who needs a lot of attention. It could also be someone who learned early on in childhood to lie as a survival mechanism. And not accepting help just helps to cover up the lie (e.g. how could you take them to see a cancer doc when they're not even really a patient at that clinic).

Here are some links that can help shed more light on people who lie:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/4072816/ns/today-today_health/

http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationships/why-do-people-lie.html

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/truth-about-lying-00000000012669/index.html


Although I don't like to diagnose based just on this one small piece of data, many people who lie often have personality disorders. Borderline & antisocial are 2 of the more common personality disorders & people who have these lie very often. Here are some links that help explain these conditions:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/personality-disorders/DS00562

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antisocial-personality-disorder/DS00829

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need more information. Good luck & take care.
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Please let me know if you need more information. We can continue the dialog until you are satisfied. Once you are happy with the answers don't forget to hit the ACCEPT button & provide expert feedback. Also remember that this is not an official doctor patient relationship and not a substitute for a full live psychiatric evaluation. Thank you for using justanswers.com


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I doubt this person has a personality disorder. I have known them for 10 years and this is the first time i have known them to lie. They have however for the past year been living with and dating someone with BPD. i want to help my friend, but don't get why she would do this.
Expert:  Dr. K replied 6 years ago.
I'm not saying that the person does have a personality for sure, but that's one of the 1st things that jumps out at me when I hear of people lying.

Keep in mind that people with borderline personality tend to split (e.g. some people are all good while others are all bad). It's possible that your friend was viewing you as a good person so you didn't see possible borderline traits or tendencies.

When you said BPD I'm not sure if you mean bipolar or borderline. If it's the latter, this could be one of the main factors going on here. Let's say your friend doesn't have a personality disorder but now is dating someone who does have on. People can change their personalities when they are in relationships (especially if the other person or the relationship itself is dysfunctional).

It sounds like you have been quite close to this person...so I would try a direct approach. Talk to her (when you're feeling calm & can do so in a gentle & neutral tone of voice) and ask her directly what's going on. Explain how her behavior has affected you and the emotions & thoughts it has triggered.

What else?
______________________________________________________________________
Please let me know if you need more information. We can continue the dialog until you are satisfied. Once you are happy with the answers don't forget to hit the ACCEPT button & provide expert feedback. Also remember that this is not an official doctor patient relationship and not a substitute for a full live psychiatric evaluation. Thank you for using justanswers.com
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I don't know I am just concerned about her. Because she kind of got called out and now everyone has cut her ou8t of there lives for lying. By BPD i meant borderline. When I asked her why, she said something about just wanting some compassion from her BF and somehow other people found out about her lie, and she felt like she needed to keep it going. Can dating someone with BPD really get somoene that doens't have the personality disorder to act that disfunctional?
Expert:  Dr. K replied 6 years ago.
First, make sure to not play the blame game in terms of blaming her BF for this.

In general, an emotionally healthy adult who ends up dating someone with BPD will not act like this. I'm thinking that your friend is either your age or perhaps a bit older. The reason I say this is that some people who remain single into their 30s & 40s get more insecure (obviously not all people....some age gracefully). This could lead them to "settling" for someone who may be potentially toxic for them.

Imagine someone that really wants a relationship who finally finds one...only to be dating someone with BPD who is "hot & cold," for lack of a better term. These cold spells could trigger so much insecurity that she is basically engaging in "over the top" behaviors to try to compensate & feel loved.

I hope that sheds some more light on this for you. Anything else?
______________________________________________________________________
Please let me know if you need more information. We can continue the dialog until you are satisfied. Once you are happy with the answers don't forget to hit the ACCEPT button & provide expert feedback. Also remember that this is not an official doctor patient relationship and not a substitute for a full live psychiatric evaluation. Thank you for using justanswers.com
Dr. K and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
wow thanks, XXXXX XXXXX is 34 never married and for the first year of the relationship he thought he meet the woman who was going to be the mother of his children. OK, so now that he has left her... i should just accept him.

Thanks
Expert:  Dr. K replied 6 years ago.
You're welcome.
Dr. K and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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