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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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A good friend of mine is having some serious problems. He says

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A good friend of mine is having some serious problems. He says he can't get motivated, Gets angry (rage) easily. Depressed. I have already called 911 because he had taken a bunch of pills. And it wasn't his first attempt. 3 or 4th.
Outsiders looking in see a lazy, unfriendly, mooch. He doesn't really do anything. He doesn't work. He had a job with a friend, but burned that bridge within a month. This last job, he only made it 3 days.
He says he is at the end of his rope, I have done everything I can think of, made car payments, which I am not doing anymore. Buy his groceries. Keep the heat on, roof over his head, for the last yuear and a half. He has lived here and not really done anything but sit and play world of war or something online. He will get off it once or twice a week to take his dog to some training thing.
I don't know what else I can do, I feel like I have done everything I can, now its up to him, I have been paitent. But I am at the end of my rope. I can't kick him out, he has no where to go. But I can't have things stay the way they are now. I work full time. I can't afford to keep this up. He thinks that there is some magical pill or procedure that will fix everything. I've told him he has to help[ the medication.
What do I do? Where can he get the proper care he needs without me paying for it. I'm looking for a pastor or bishop, something along those lines. Its my last hope.
Any ideas?

Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, let me say this situation is very difficult and he has been very fortunate to have you there caring about him, taking care of him, and trying to help them figure this out. It is very wonderful of you to be concerned and to be making these efforts. Because clearly he has gotten into a "vicious circle".

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. He has created a reality for himself and he keeps reinforcing it. What reality?

That he is worthless, that life is overwhelming, that he can't handle it, that there is no hope, which means that he is worthless, that life is overwhelming, and over and over again. And as long as he continues in this circle, he will not seek help. Because help would mean that he has value, that life is manageable, that he can handle it, and that there is hope. So he has created only one way out: suicide. Because that reinforces the circle.

But you say he refuse to get help. Well, he's an adult and there's nothing that can be done to force him to seek treatment. However, I am now going to voice what I sense you understand within yourself but have not been able to give voice to: XXXXX XXXXX acting as an enabler. You are a kind and good person and so you have attempted to help him. But you see that helping him is only reinforcing the circle. It only allows the circle to continue. And if you would help him forever, he would continue in the circle forever. Because helping him stay dysfunctional does not help. In fact it does the opposite: it HURTS him and his chances of having a good and productive life.

So talking to a minister is a good idea assuming he has a relationship with that minister and the minister would take interest in supervising his transition to other housing. But if not, then you need to give him a deadline by which he needs to leave. A month is about right. he can contact Salvation Army or go with his belongings to a shelter. If he refuses to leave, you need to call the police to evict him as he was a guest who refuses to leave. If you want, you can contact shelters for him and drive him over.

Yes, this is going to be hard. Because it is counterintuitive that being kind can be harmful to someone. But that is the reality. He needs treatment and he won't seek it until he is on his own. Will he make another suicide attempt if you do this?

Possibly. But he has already done that 3-4 times. So if he is looking for an exit, he will choose it regardless. But you have to start living your life in a healthy manner. That must come first.

Okay, again, you are doing a wonderful thing in caring and all the best to you!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

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