I am so sorry that I had thought you signed off. Yes, we did have some technical problems today with our chat and I do apologize.
I have now read the additional information you have shared here and it does sound as if you have just had so much to cope with on your own. I know that we women have a tendency to take on all especially when we are Moms but it does sound as if you have gone above and beyond for a very long time now. I hope we can find a way to help you so its not all on you anymore.
I am glad that you have met a wonderful man who appreciates you and is there to care for you. I do hope that you will ask him to give you six months to find ways to cope with the intense physical pain you are in and to find tools to manage that pain. You see, it is entirely understandable that you are impatient and irritable. Entirely understandable. Darn it you are in pain and when our systems are fighting off acute pain we are not at our most patient....we do interrupt and we can be seen as controlling. Actually what is going on in our brains is that we are so exhausted and so jagged from our physical pain that we have no physical way to express it so we can be seen as snappy. While I have certainly never endured the magnitude of what you have I have also experienced pain and I know its very hard to be amenable and pleasant when all your nerve endings are screaming out in agony. I think therapy is going to be a godsend to you because your therapist can give you not only the skills to self soothe (especially on bad days) but also help you to take ownership of this pain in such a way that you can actually find periods of relief while you are awake. I think the quality of your life, with relief only coming when you sleep must be so terrible. This needs to be addressed. The therapist needs to work in consultation with your pcp and your specialists so that you get some relief.
I can tell you that my own personal physician once told me a very wise thing.... he said, pain does not portend healing. He was very right about this. You are in so very much pain and it is imperative that a way to feel better is found. I have two clients right now in chronic pain that is unbearable and one of them, like you has a serious back injury that has required several surgeries. When I met him, over a year ago he was in abject agony and he was irritable, impatient, not sleeping, just a really unhappy person. We chose in his case to try a combination of psychotherapy with physical therapy and continue the methadone treatment he had been started on before he came to my office.
I cannot tell you how painful our early sessions were together or how many times I phoned his physicians with my concern and how diligently we worked together to bring him to a place where the quality of his life is so improved. He also, had met someone, whom he cared for very deeply and was concerned about "screwing things up" with his impatience.
Well it took a lot of work and and I am not going to tell you that it was all smooth going. He still has some bad days. Up here in NE we get some terribly cold weather and he will call me on those days in agony. We will work together to help him to self soothe and while that day may no got well, overall his life is significantly improved. I have seen this happen many many times, and in corresponding with you today I know that you are exactly the right type of person for this type of coordinated treatment. You are bright, thoughtful and honest and you will do very well in a coordinated therapy effort. My client is gettting married this Saturday and I remember back when I first met him wondering if he would ever be consistently well enough for this to happen. He has worked so hard with me to have this outcome and while I have seen this in so many other clients his improvement amazes me. He was surely the worst off I had seen in years and I gasped when I saw his MRIS and X rays, I knew we could help him but I am very surprised how much he improved. Well............. he was in love and he wanted to so he worked very hard with me.
Now, I have gotten the name of the center for you to contact near where you live in Waco and you can browse the website. Note that they do have a sliding scale for those that cannot afford therapy.
Give them a call and let them help you?
I wish you all the best and of course do drop me a line down the road and let me know how things turn out for you.
You have been through so very much and it is time for you to find some relief on this so that you can enjoy your children, your new partner and of course you.
Warm regards XXXXX XXXXX a tough question. And of course if there is anything I can do to help you further please feel free to ask.