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cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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I am in a depression and have been for a few years due to multiple

Customer Question

I am in a depression and have been for a few years due to multiple back surgeries and a full hysterectomy due to an error in one of my back surgeries. My pain tolerance is high yet I have pain daily and consistently. I become very irritable. I am very hard to accept any spontaneity as I have to plan since I know any activities will result in extreme pain. I am a divorced mother of 3. I am trying to start a new relationship and he keeps saying I have walls up. I do not understand what I am not opening up to or what I need to do to have less irritation and controlling factors. I am unemployed as well becuase I lost my job when I had all these surgeries back to back and could not work. I know all of these are factors. I had home health care and am currently applying for disability due to my physical restraints. I just need to talk to someone and I need someone that can work with low income or for free becuase I know I need to talk to someone.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  cathy replied 3 years ago.

cathy :

Hi Denise and thank you for writing JA

cathy :

let us know when you are back online and it is convenient for you to chat about this

Customer :

i have been online the whole time

Customer :

hello???

cathy :

Hi are you there?

Customer :

yes

cathy :

good to see you

cathy :

how are you holding up today?

Customer :

I was getting irritated due to such a quick response back and then offline

Customer :

Not good day

Customer :

I hardly ever cry and I feel like I need to very badly

cathy :

Oh you see we havae a lot of customers so if one is not online we have to move on to the next and unless the customer responds right away we cant see ifyou are here or not

Customer :

i dont know what i am doing wrong

cathy :

okay lets see if we can sort this out

cathy :

what do you mean what you are doing wrong?

Customer :

tell me where to start

cathy :

tell me what you mean by "what I am doing wrong" with respect to what Denise?

Customer :

well, i am always irritated...think because i am always iin pain...then I am pretty much controlling...think because I had to my whole 15 year marriage...i was the mom, the breadwinner, the everything...there was verbal, mental and physical abuse throughout. I have 3 children...am unemployed...trying to start a new relationship whereas he has some physciastry education and says I have walls...that I am always interrupting, that I am controlling, that I am selfish and dont acknowledge others feelings when I really just try to brush things off, not let them stress me, and move on...I guess I dont know what I am doing wrong...I really love this person and he is a genuinely great man, is good to me and my children and I do not want to mess it up since I had a terrible adulthood relationship from 20 until last year...you see...I dont even know what I am doing wrong...yet I know he says that I hurt his feelings because I do not acknowledge certain things, etc...i really just dont know

cathy :

Why dont you try some counseling on this?

Customer :

I also know I have depression related to my current physical status

cathy :

I mean living with chronic pain is reason enough.

Customer :

I am trying, but dont know where to go

cathy :

Yes why are you not in therapy?

cathy :

Look you have an awful lot on your plate. You wold benefit a lot from a caring and compassionate counselor

cathy :

help you to navigate the new relationship

cathy :

deal with the irritability

cathy :

all those things

Customer :

do you know where I can go that is for low income or free in waco tx

cathy :

yes there are federally funded mental health clinics in every major city

cathy :

they all offer sliding scale fees based on income

Customer :

i am not suicidal or anything...

cathy :

oh no

cathy :

I know this

Customer :

what should i look under...mental health or what

Customer :

pyshcologists, etc

Customer :

???

cathy :

I am going to do that search for you after we are finished here

Customer :

ok

cathy :

my your are impatient LOL

cathy :

I type faster than you do and I get the quiz marks :)

cathy :

okay so other than coping with this ongoing pain alone have they given you any options for pain management

Customer :

I am on hydrocodone...they want me to move to methodone or oxycontin and I am not interested...I want to be able to mentally function for my children...I am on valium for muscle relaxation, soma also for muscle relaxation, mirapex for restless leg syndrome and ambien for insomnia

cathy :

okay

cathy :

and that is still not enough to relieve the pain is it?

Customer :

no way...the only time i do not feel pain is when i am asleep...other than that, it can be worser sometimes, but I always have it. I just wish some days for 5 minutes of pain free. I had an MRI in september again and they said now I have severe athritis there and sever scar tissue...that is something no one can tell me how to fix...i used to be a college athlete...was very active until about 3 years ago///

cathy :

Oh my

cathy :

I am so so sorry to hear this

cathy :

you injured your back in some kind of accident?

cathy :

Okay Denise I see you have stepped out of chat at least for the moment and I know that you are a very busy Mom, so let memove us to Q and A. I am signing off for now and after a short break will be back online again. AT that time I will send you some informaton on where you access treatment in WACO, TX. You take good care, I will have that information for you in a few hours time.,

Customer :

I never got off...I wrote like 5 more paragraphs...this isnt working right,,,,yes, i need to know where to go in waco, tx...i never left...i have been here and written a lot of things that are not showing now...

Customer :

in 2000 i fell in a target store and they paid for physical therapy...i thought it was all over...i never knew it would turn into this and i never sued. the statute has run out so i cannot recover now, but i have had to go through 5 back surgeries since and a full hysterectomy due to an error in the last back surgery where my spinal cord was cut and had to be repaired...it caused muscle control to be lost, etc...causing a prolapsed cervix and thus the hysterectomy...

Customer :

i basically stated a while ago that i got married at 20, and it was a verbal, mentally and abusive relationship...i was the tough one...i hid it all. I was the mom, breadwinner, everything...i did it all. after 3 children, i have met the man of my dreams. he has some education in pyschiatry and he keeps telling me i have walls. i want to let him into my world in every aspect. i truly did not know what love was until i met him. i dont know what i am doing wrong.

Customer :

it was a 15 year marriage with the last 4 of it being separated. I want to acknowledge my new mans feelings and somehow i do not know what or why i dont seem to do that right...i am a perfectionist, am very impatient and do not like to fail or make mistakes. I used to be very active and played college basketball but am now physically restrained from those types of activities...really any activity...

Customer :

my new man and i have a history. we met in college and distance is really what separated us...we just found each other in october 2010 on facebook and have been together since...he gave up everything and where he was at NY to be with me in TX...

Customer :

we also have been looking for each other throughout the years and in between my many breaks of my marriage with no luck. we found out that my first born is really is child. I knew way earlier, but could not locate him. He found me this time...he said something just kept speaking to him and he found me and gave up everything to be here with me and my children. I dont want to mess anything up

Expert:  cathy replied 3 years ago.

Hi Denise,

 

I am so sorry that I had thought you signed off. Yes, we did have some technical problems today with our chat and I do apologize.

 

I have now read the additional information you have shared here and it does sound as if you have just had so much to cope with on your own. I know that we women have a tendency to take on all especially when we are Moms but it does sound as if you have gone above and beyond for a very long time now. I hope we can find a way to help you so its not all on you anymore.

 

I am glad that you have met a wonderful man who appreciates you and is there to care for you. I do hope that you will ask him to give you six months to find ways to cope with the intense physical pain you are in and to find tools to manage that pain. You see, it is entirely understandable that you are impatient and irritable. Entirely understandable. Darn it you are in pain and when our systems are fighting off acute pain we are not at our most patient....we do interrupt and we can be seen as controlling. Actually what is going on in our brains is that we are so exhausted and so jagged from our physical pain that we have no physical way to express it so we can be seen as snappy. While I have certainly never endured the magnitude of what you have I have also experienced pain and I know its very hard to be amenable and pleasant when all your nerve endings are screaming out in agony. I think therapy is going to be a godsend to you because your therapist can give you not only the skills to self soothe (especially on bad days) but also help you to take ownership of this pain in such a way that you can actually find periods of relief while you are awake. I think the quality of your life, with relief only coming when you sleep must be so terrible. This needs to be addressed. The therapist needs to work in consultation with your pcp and your specialists so that you get some relief.

 

I can tell you that my own personal physician once told me a very wise thing.... he said, pain does not portend healing. He was very right about this. You are in so very much pain and it is imperative that a way to feel better is found. I have two clients right now in chronic pain that is unbearable and one of them, like you has a serious back injury that has required several surgeries. When I met him, over a year ago he was in abject agony and he was irritable, impatient, not sleeping, just a really unhappy person. We chose in his case to try a combination of psychotherapy with physical therapy and continue the methadone treatment he had been started on before he came to my office.

I cannot tell you how painful our early sessions were together or how many times I phoned his physicians with my concern and how diligently we worked together to bring him to a place where the quality of his life is so improved. He also, had met someone, whom he cared for very deeply and was concerned about "screwing things up" with his impatience.

 

Well it took a lot of work and and I am not going to tell you that it was all smooth going. He still has some bad days. Up here in NE we get some terribly cold weather and he will call me on those days in agony. We will work together to help him to self soothe and while that day may no got well, overall his life is significantly improved. I have seen this happen many many times, and in corresponding with you today I know that you are exactly the right type of person for this type of coordinated treatment. You are bright, thoughtful and honest and you will do very well in a coordinated therapy effort. My client is gettting married this Saturday and I remember back when I first met him wondering if he would ever be consistently well enough for this to happen. He has worked so hard with me to have this outcome and while I have seen this in so many other clients his improvement amazes me. He was surely the worst off I had seen in years and I gasped when I saw his MRIS and X rays, I knew we could help him but I am very surprised how much he improved. Well............. he was in love and he wanted to so he worked very hard with me.

 

Now, I have gotten the name of the center for you to contact near where you live in Waco and you can browse the website. Note that they do have a sliding scale for those that cannot afford therapy.

 

Give them a call and let them help you?

I wish you all the best and of course do drop me a line down the road and let me know how things turn out for you.

You have been through so very much and it is time for you to find some relief on this so that you can enjoy your children, your new partner and of course you.

Warm regards XXXXX XXXXX a tough question. And of course if there is anything I can do to help you further please feel free to ask.

Cathy

http://www.hotrmhmr.org/mentalhealth.html

 

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cathy
cathy
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MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health