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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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woman 54 in financial trap

Customer Question

I am an older woman (54) feeling like 78 financially trapped in an eight year long relationship.I am on SSI 674 monthly. This man was a very dear friend before we got together, then changed, slowly but surely into a daily druck. He spend allday at the bars and comes home where then I have to walk and talk on egg shells or not at all. He will yell and scream at the top of his lungs about anything. Especially if I asked how his day went. lately I have just retreated to my bedroom and hid to avoid confrontation. Help!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 5 years ago.

Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, let me say I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. On the one hand your partner is no longer a partner. But on the other hand you don't have the financial resources to get out.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You need to use the resources that ARE available to you. I would like you to reorient the way you are treating this situation so that you can get the help you need.

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. A man who drinks every day then comes home and yells at you is an abuser. I have seen women in my office who look haggard and worn out from being treated this way just as much as if they were being beaten. So you need to contact the women's shelters in your area.

Look up the women's organizations in your area. Put your name on a waiting list for a place in a shelter or half way house. Use the legal advice they have available free. The counseling also. And especially the support groups. Find an emergency shelter that you can go to that can then transfer you to a halfway house and then independent living. You may need to get their help in getting other housing assistance from the state or county for abused women.

You certainly don't want to think of yourself as an abused woman. But you are sounding like one. You are 54 but you feel worn out and older. That's abuse. So this is really the best answer I can give to you and the best help you can use: reorient your view of the situation and act on it.

I wish you the very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

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