Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue. First, let me say I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. On the one hand your partner is no longer a partner. But on the other hand you don't have the financial resources to get out. And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You need to use the resources that ARE available to you. I would like you to reorient the way you are treating this situation so that you can get the help you need.
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. A man who drinks every day then comes home and yells at you is an abuser. I have seen women in my office who look haggard and worn out from being treated this way just as much as if they were being beaten. So you need to contact the women's shelters in your area.
Look up the women's organizations in your area. Put your name on a waiting list for a place in a shelter or half way house. Use the legal advice they have available free. The counseling also. And especially the support groups. Find an emergency shelter that you can go to that can then transfer you to a halfway house and then independent living. You may need to get their help in getting other housing assistance from the state or county for abused women.
You certainly don't want to think of yourself as an abused woman. But you are sounding like one. You are 54 but you feel worn out and older. That's abuse. So this is really the best answer I can give to you and the best help you can use: reorient your view of the situation and act on it.
I wish you the very best!
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