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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Hello there, I am not even sure if this website is legit

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Hello there, I am not even sure if this website is legit but I'll try. So my mother and her brother had 15 years apart and never had a good friendship. She always tried to encourage me and my brother ( who was six years older then me) to stay together and help each other. She was also a very busy woman so my brother basically had to take care of me since I was little. When I was about five years old my brother said that he has "thoughts" about me. Never payed attention to it because I was a child. I don't want to go in to detail too much but once I was about 12 he asked me to give him a massage ( it was normal in our family and non sexual at all). He had an erection from it. I realized it few years later. I felt horrible about it and blocked it out of my thoughts. There was no other accidents besides that. When my mother passed away I was overseas and my brother had to take care of her all the time. I returned home and found a huge mess that I had to take care off. My brother was very depressed. He always was asking me to talk to him to make him feel better. He was asking me "Tell me that everything is going to be ok". He was very depressed since childhood. He was sleeping 20 hours a day at that time. Once he got drunk and asked me for help again. I didn't know what to say. I felt that he want something from me. I didn't know what. I decided to go out to think. And he yelled at me and told me to get out or I was going to get hurt. I was really scared, went to my aunt and told her the story. She told me that he might "pointing to the bed" and could be that after mom died he wanted something. I wasn't sure if that was true or not but just a possibility of it made me feel disgusted. I blocked it out of my head but recently I can't start having sex with out thinking of it. Not in a sexual way. It is a persisting thought of this. When I am trying to rationalize my head is trying to block it again because I can't accept the though that I am accepting it. Please give me an advice how to let it go.
It also makes me feel like I want to stop contacting him.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

You are possibly describing a case of post traumatic stress disorder. You and your brother were engaging in he massage. Not necessarily sexual but it became sexual when he had an erection. No one processes this in the open or within the family. Your parent passes away which allows the "secret" to be spoken. The person you want to protect from the information is gone. Your brother sinks further into depression. You perceive that some of his needs could lead to something sexual which you find disgusting. He needs comfort but there is this air that he has been inappropriate. He responds with anger. You respond with disappointment. And now we are here

 

 

You need to find someone in our field to process this because now after seeing family

member it has become a fresh wound. You can't handle this by yourself. Just some sessions so you can let this go and learn how to deal with him in a way that is positive. By doing so, you learn how to live with the event and not let it consume you. I wanted to put this in perspective for you. You can now find a professional who can spend sessions resolving what has changed which is probably seeing him and the passing of your mother

psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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