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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1473
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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Dear sir I have been dating a man for over two 1/2 years.

Customer Question

Dear sir I have been dating a man for over two 1/2 years. We have had some problems which are mostly do do with the fact that he was an active alcoholic when we met. When this became obvious I confronted him and he stopped drinking and has been sober for more than 18 months (going to AA regularly). During some of this time we were not together but since August 2010 we have tried again, taking it easy. He has been prone to depression all the time though but says he is happy when we are together. I have also worked on some of my own issues during this time, and things have been much better. We are great at communicating and have fun together. But sometimes his depression comes through and effects us. Now he is extra depressed and stressed (due to work issues) and has broken up with me (but is confused). It is not because of us but because of his depression he says. This is hard to accept, I'm not sure what to do.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
I have to give you credit for getting the man to stop drinking. Unfortunately, the reason he was drinking so much has not been addressed. He had depression long before he was drinking and now that he is not relying on alcohol to cope then he just does not know how to deal with it. I say keep some distance between the two of you and let him work on fixing his depression. If he does not get help then this will continue and may worsen because then he would want to turn to alcohol.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Ok, i agree on that, and he does as well, and I have kept my distance other times and can do it again. I would however like to suggest to him to go to therapy and maybe take antidepressants, without becoming his therapist (i know the danger). I want to have a talk and say these things. One meeting, or maybe one more telephone conversation. IS that a waste of time? Am I deluding myself?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
To clarify: is complete silence best or can a little interaction be better. I have preferred complete silence before but that is hard since he is no more depressed than I have ever seen before, and I am of course worried that he may start drinking again - he said that he feard )first time)
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
I think that if you care for this man then reaching out and offering for him to get help is the right thing to do. But keep in mind that he might not follow your direction. If that time comes when he won't get help then that is when you cut ties.

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