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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My partner is having more and more anger outbursts. I find

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My partner is having more and more anger outbursts. I find them quite intimidating. He is on anti-depressant medication this has never really helped. He has a councillor. We had an argument today and he was kicking and throwing chairs, swearing and calling me terrible names. This was at our place of work. We are self employed. I'm so ashamed someone has heard his behaviour and the things he was saying. He has now gone home to bed and won't come back to pick me up. He says he needs to sleep as it is better than being awake.

I don't know if I should do more to try and help him or if I should leave. He says that I make him act the way he does. I don't think this is true. I think he needs help but he's destroying my life as well as his own. Can his behaviour be stopped and if so, how?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It is very difficult to control someone else's behavior, particularly when they do not see they have a problem and they are willing to blame it on someone else. Trying to stop your boyfriend is going to be difficult, unless he wants to be stopped.


Three things you mentioned are critical in making your decision about how to handle this situation.


One, your boyfriend is acting out violently. Although he has not hit you yet, he is throwing things. That is usually a first step in hurting someone.


Two, he is verbally abusive. That almost always indicates a person who has no problem hurting others and does not intend to stop.


Three, he is blaming you for his behavior. This shows he lacks insight into what he is doing and how he is hurting you. You should never be blamed for someone else's choices or actions. How someone acts is their own responsibility.


Although there is no way to control his behavior, you can do something for yourself by getting out of this relationship. If you feel he is getting worse now, it will only be a matter of time before he hurts you physically. It is important that you protect yourself now by leaving. Also, you can help yourself stay strong and end the relationship by educating yourself about abusive behavior. Here is a link to help you:


It is important that you realize you are in an abusive relationship and they rarely improve. Most of the time, people caught in these types of relationships end up depressed, anxious and hurt, emotionally and physically.


If you feel you cannot leave on your own, it is important to get help. A therapist can help you learn to cope with how you feel and help you take steps to remove yourself from this relationship. Talk with your doctor about a referral. Or if you attend church, speak with your pastor. You can also search on line at



I hope this has helped you,

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