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It sounds like your marriage has been in trouble for a long time, and that your wife has emotionally divorced you. The fact that she is a marriage counselor tells me she knows what to do to fix this and she doesn't want to do it. Sorry to be so direct, but I think you already know this. My suggestion is that you confront her directly and ask her if she wants this marriage to work. If she does, then insist on going to counseling together. Yes, even marriage counselors sometimes need marriage counseling. If she continues to evade you and refuses to work on the marriage, it is time to see a lawyer.
Best to you.