Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your husband may not be willing to see his need to control as a problem. He needs to understand that trying to control situations only ends up frustrating you and ultimately him, because you want to be equal to him, not below him.
You mentioned you have tried counseling, did it help? Was your husband able to see his behavior as a problem at all? If you feel that counseling did not help, try another therapist. Sometimes finding a good therapist is like finding a good family doctor, you need to try a few before you find one that you want to work with.
To find a therapist, try talking to your family doctor for a referral. Or, if you attend church, your pastor can help you. Pastors are often good with marital therapy, and faith can offer an avenue to healing. You can also try to find a therapist on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
Is your husband willing to work on the marriage with you? If so, both of you can try educating yourselves about how to communicate better. Here are some resources to help you get started:
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You by XXXXX XXXXX
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict - by Jonathan Robinson
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this helps you,