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Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like there could be two things going on here. One, there is something bothering him personally and he doesn't want to share it, or two, there is a problem in the relationship and he is not letting you know what it is.
It is very hard to tell what could be bothering him unless he is willing to tell you. You have tried all the important steps like asking him directly and setting boundaries. But if he still is not responding, then there is little you can do but respond on your own.
Since he will not tell you what is going on, you can do two things. You can keep asking him to see if he will tell you, or you can ignore it. If you choose to keep asking him, then sit him down and tell him that his behavior is starting to interfere with your relationship. Tell him communication is the most important part of keeping your relationship healthy and that you would like to keep it that way. And then see what he says. He may choose to talk about it or not.
If you choose to ignore his behavior, then he may end up telling you. Sometimes people like the control of withholding information from others and when the attention they get from it goes away, they stop withholding. Be careful here not to move away yourself emotionally, however. Pay back rarely works and usually ends up damaging the relationship.
Keep in mind it may be just his nature to not share everything in his life with others. He is telling you that he cares for you and loves you. If he shows no other signs of straying or hurting you otherwise, there is no reason to worry. Give it time and see what happens.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
It is curious why he wants to be with friends instead of with you. But it sounds to me like he needs to blow off steam and the drinking and carousing they do appeals to him as a way of coping with his stress. Being irresponsible may be the way he feels helps counteract the stress he is under.
I agree with you, the time away from each other can help you both think through things and to see if it helps the relationship. Plus, the break may help him feel better about the pressure he is under.
I would give the situation time. The circumstances in his life will either improve or things will get worse and you will know where things stand.
I agree with you. He does need to be open and honest with you. But it may not be something he is ready for right now. It's hard to tell without talking with him, but sometimes people fear commitment and that may be an issue for him. Or it could be other issues. But unless he works through on his own, you are not going to know.
There is just no way to be sure what he is doing. He could call you every hour and there still would not be a guarantee. Try your best to enjoy your weekend the best you can. Worrying will not change the outcome. Try to think of it as what will be will be and relax. If you have faith, give it to God. If it helps, try to talk to friends and family about how you feel. If you have a trusted person to talk to, try letting all your wildest fears out. Just think it all through. It's hard, I know, but remember no matter what, you will survive.
Let me know how it turns out,
It sounds like he likes the idea of your relationship but he doesn't want to put the work into it. Like you said, he may have learned behavior from his family, particularly his parents, as this may be the way they treat each other.
It may come down to you deciding whether or not you are comfortable being set aside for family and friends. If he acts this way now, there is no reason for him to change in the future. I know it's hard, but it is something to think about.
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