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Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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MY DAUGHTER IS ALWAYS DEPRESS. BECAUSE SHE CAN NOT GET A JOB.

Resolved Question:

MY DAUGHTER IS ALWAYS DEPRESS. BECAUSE SHE CAN NOT GET A JOB. ALWAYS SICK. SLEEPS A LOT TALKS ABOUT WANTING TO DIE BUT I THINK IT BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO HOLD ME HOSTAGE. PLEASE HELP ME. I LIVE IN MARIN COUNTY CA SHE IS IN l.A. I THINK SHE KNOWS HOW TO CONTROL ME. hELEN
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

It sounds like your daughter pushes you into doing things for her - like giving her money etc. And it is possible that she uses her depression as a way to extract assistance (monetary and otherwise) from you. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like she holds you hostage and clearly this needs to be addressed.

Are you currently in therapy? If not, I would encourage you to consider it as a therapist can then help you to draw firmer boundaries and make you more aware of any actions on your part that perpetuates her negative behavior. It will take a little bit of time and some active participation on your end but with effort and persistence you can start to challenge your daughter's behavior and ensure that she can no longer use you or exploit you for her own needs and benefit.

While you consider therapy, I would also recommend a very short but highly effective book that you can get right away from here. The book is on effective and assertive communication and it teaches you specific techniques you can use to end patterns of exploitative behavior in other people.

I know that you might be feeling frustrated right now but I want to assure you that you do not have to feel at the receiving end with your daughter. It is possible to break out of limiting dynamics and patterns to develop a more positive relationship with your daughter.

I hope this was helpful.

Please let me know if you have additional questions.

Kind regards,

Arundhati
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