How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kristin Your Own Question

Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
45544450
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kristin is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

hi i am having marital problems for a while, it sbecause my

Resolved Question:

hi i am having marital problems for a while, it sbecause my husband was having an emotional affair with some one and then lied about who it was several times, he wants me to believe him now but my gut feeling is telling me different. because of this i cry a lot and feel worthless i feel worthless because i feel he is protecting someone else. he is adamit that he is tellin the truth but im so confused about whether to trust him or trust my gut, this is leaving me feeling really depressed, i would love some advice on what to do.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

 

How do you know about this emotional affair? Also, do you know who the woman is and is it still going on?

What is he doing that indicates it's an emotional affair, and how does he know this woman? Thanks for the additional info. so I can best help you.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
this happened in 2007 and lasted a couple of months, it was going on through the phone, i found the text messages he was telling her he loved her. he said first it was an ex then a few months later i found out it wasnt her by doing my own research, he then blamed a work colleague who he met once from a different branch not even near where we lived. so to be honest i dont no who it was there ws many lies told, i new it was emotional because he had told me
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Okay thanks for the additional information.

 

So, there are still many gaps here where you are wondering what the truth is, who the woman was, and what was going on. In order for you to heal from this and to fully move on and trust your husband again, he really needs to be completely honest about what happened. He must be forthcoming and tell you the complete truth about who she was, why he was texting her and telling her he loved her, and how it ended and why etc. You still have many questions that you deserve to have answered. Otherwise, how are you supposed to trust him, when he won't come clean about what happened.

Tell him that you need to go to some couples counseling so you can get this resolved and move forward from it. That you feel not only did he betray your trust but continues to do so, by withholding information that would allow you to understand, have your questions answered and move forward. That without this, you will not be able to trust him and the marriage will suffer (as it already is). If he refuses to go to counseling or to talk to you and tell you the truth, then you will need to decide at that point, if you want to stay in the marriage or separate. You do deserve to have a husband who you can trust and who values your feelings and the marriage.

He needs to understand that by not talking about it, it sends the message that he is still hiding something and/or doesn't respect your feelings enough to know that you need the truth in order to heal and allow him to rebuild the trust. You can call your doctor and ask for a referral to a marriage counselor in your area. An essential part of healing from infidelity of any kind, is full disclosure of what happened (if the spouse is wanting to know) and open communication. Please click ACCEPT button for this answer. And feel free to ask any questions of me, even after clicking accept. Thank you.

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

did you have any more questions for me? If so, please do ask. Otherwise,

please click on ACCEPT button, so i'm credited for my help today.

 

Best wishes...

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
kristin we have had marriage counselling and i feel that we where going no where with that either, he wasnt always keen, and i became to feel that way myself too. it just seemed to be going round in circles and i still wasnt getting my questions answered. he has never sat down and spoke about how it was and what it was. all info i have has come from me asking him questions since i found the text myself it seems i have been doing everything myself to find out what exactly was going on. im not interested anymore in what he was doing and sayin i just want to be sure that there are no secrets, the fact that i feel he is still keeping something from me just leaves me constantly down. he has begun to feel down himself now to because he said he has told the truth and that there is not more to say.
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Okay, so if he is saying that he has told the truth and you also feel that you are not interested anymore in what he was doing and saying, then you need to let that go...

 

It could be that you feel he is keeping something from you (now) due to what happened before and the trust level is not the same. Or, it could be due to something real that is happening. Perhaps he is not hiding anything and is starting to feel down because you don't trust him and there is nothing he feels he can do or say to change that.

If he isn't hiding anything now, then that would be the case. One way to determine if it's just your thoughts popping up to make you feel anxious about what could be happening now is to do a thought log:

1. what is the thought or feeling? Ex. that he is hiding something.

2. what triggered it? Ex. my gut feels that maybe he's not telling the truth.

2. what is the evidence that supports my thought or feeling? Ex. well, there really is no factual evidence, just the way I am feeling. This is the important part because you need some evidence to really know that these thoughts are to be listened to. Otherwise they are just thoughts and could be due to trust issues from the past.

I cannot tell you if your gut feeling is the truth or your husband is telling you the truth. All I can tell you is that without evidence, I would try to not buy into the thoughts as being facts. And move forward in your relationship. By the way, evidence would be something like a text, or an email or phone calls, etc. Try the thought log when those gut feelings come up and see if there is any real evidence to support your feelings. Please click ACCEPT, so I'm credited. thank you.

Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education