Hello and thank you for your question.
Losing over 100lbs is definitely a life-changing event. Are you saying that with the weight loss, your wife is starting to also feel more emotions about her past and also about her marriage? Before she lost the weight, did she not have these kinds of emotions coming up? Also, is she complaining about the marriage and does she feel like you have not been a good husband or that you have anger issues? Please provide this info so I can better help you.
She said that i would not tell her how cute she was and no shower her attention. when i look back i see that see is correct. i have alot of strees at work and about making sure all bills are paid and she can have everthing she want. i never talked to her about these problems so then i got buisy at home is was sarcastic to her. when we got into fights instaid of dealing with the problem i would teller her if you dont like it find someone else. I never ment this but is didnt know how to deal with the problem. im learning how to deal with the problem now and talking to her about these problems helps me releave the stress. but t feel i have done damage in are marrage. when she was over wieght i never critisized her about her wieght. but i also never told she was beutiful or cute. i just assumed she know i felt this way. i have made major changes in the way i talk to her now and i have started to do more around the house so she has more time to do what she wants to. I sold my hotrod truck so we could have money to do thangs together. my wife never had much self confidence i didnt help with this much now with her wieght loss she is so much more outgoing and more self confindent.
Okay, thank you for the additional information. Often, when someone loses such a drastic amount of weight, there are major changes that go along with that. Such as increase in self-esteem, wanting to go out more and be social, and also having the strength and/or confidence now to tackle emotional troubles (such as her abusive past). She is also now finding her voice and being able to say to you what she needs, etc. Along with this, she is also voicing some complaints or hurts from the past. That is normal in any relationship.
It sounds like you are being really attentive and responsive to her at this time. You have shown her in words and in ACTIONS most importantly that you love her, support her and are here for her. It sounds like you are doing really well in that area, and that once she informs you of her needs, that you are responsive. That is great and I'm sure she notices this as well. It does also sound like perhaps you are feeling less secure in the marriage overall, due to her change in appearance and behavior, and this is common as well. You both will shift due to her weight loss and all you can do is work at evolving together, not blame one another and simply listen and respond (as you are doing). The damage that you feel you may have created in the marriage, sounds like something that can be repaired. What you need to do is continue to support her and encourage her. Apologize for the past hurts you may have caused and move forward from here. Also, her therapy will be good for her and you may even want to join for a couple of sessions with her, if she would like that. Please click ACCEPT for this answer. And feel free to continue the discussion even after clicking accept. Thank you.
It sounds like you may be experiencing some symptoms of depression as you have lost weight, are crying alot, and are not sleeping. You need to go and see your doctor about this and see what he/she recommends. You may benefit from taking an antidepressant at this time along with some counseling, but do see if your doctor feels that would benefit you at this time.
As far as your wife's doctor telling her to leave you, that would not be very likely to tell your wife to make such a drastic step. That decision would need to come from your wife. And it sounds like she is not wanting to leave you, but simply improve on the marriage. You need to calm down, take some deep breaths and see your doctor about taking care of your self, while also working on the marriage. Please do make an appointment for yourself today.
i beleave your right on me being depressed. i just want to be there and help my wife thru this and i cant see any way to help her right now and that scares me. i cant see my life with out her. She it the resone that i get up in the morning. i m trying to do everything i can to make her feel better when im with her i feel great when im not with her i start thinking about events in are life and wonder how i could have done thangs differently to make her feel better. i beleave took into concideration her past with abuse when i made desicions. When i look back i think i took her for granite. i treaded her like a friend that i could dump all my problems on (at times with angry voices). then i would just move on thinking nothing was wrong. instaed i sould have treaded he rlike my soulmate and talked with her throu these problems. is there any thang i can do to get her to open up to me. at times she says theres nothing wrong but i can tell there is. i dont want a lack of comunication to come between us i beleave this was a big problem before and i need to know how to correct this
First of all, you must get yourself in a better place emotionally, so that you don't come across as fearful and clingy to her. So do see your doctor about your depression.
The past in the past and you cannot change it so please do stop beating yourself up about what you may have done wrong.
You can simply tell her that you are really glad she is taking better care of herself now, and that you are doing the same and will be seeing your doctor. Let her know that you are more than willing to hear her whenever she needs to talk or wants an ear or support. That you regret some of your behavior in the past and didn't know any better at the time. But that now, you are more than willing to address any issues and would even like to explore couples counseling with her at some point, to strengthen the marriage.
And be sure as you said you were doing to continue fun things as well. outings with other couples, date nights, fun surprises etc. Best wishes...
Thank you and best wishes...
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