I’d suggest that you read 2 relationship books with your husband one by Dr. John Gottman and the other, perhaps the best available, “Hold me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson, the best marital therapist and relationship researcher around. I’ll provide links for these books shortly. These will help guide you in developing an effective approach to addressing the money issue you described.
I suggest making a reading date night if you can, and take turns reading to each other 1 chapter per night. You can answer the questions at the end of each chapter together. Another suggestion if the reading date is not possible for some reason right now, would be to at least read these books at the same time separately, so you have a strong common framework and language for addressing your relationship issues.
If the reading doesn’t work out you may wish to attend “evidence-based” marital therapy. I would suggest EFT therapy or therapy with a trained Gottman Therapist, in contrast to the couple’s work you did earlier. In most cases an EFT therapist will get far better, lasting and positive results working with a couple than will a marital therapist, psychologist or counselor will, who does not have the science-based training an EFT therapist has. EFT results often take place in as few as 7-10 sessions.
In fairness to your husband I have to say again that relationship repair and maintenance skills are like driving driving skills. He can’t be blamed for not knowing how to communicate or problem solve effectively. Also, criticism although very natural in your case will only elicit defensiveness, particularly if your husband hasn’t yet learned the skills needed to effectively meet your needs right now. In most cases it’s not the husband but the behavior that’s the problem, and behavior can be changed when you know how to change it. You’ll learn lots more about this from the links I provide and from reading the books I recommend, which you can get at your local library in most places to save money.
It’s so important to learn how to express your needs through the use of I language, and by describing the underling need for safety and security, rather than being critical, but it’s also really hard at times and one of those skills that needs practice for both of you. You may find that your husband has some underling needs that once properly expressed and met, will make it easier for him to meet your needs, in positive and emotionally corrective cycle.
Here some links that I think will be helpful for learning how to express your needs and to explore and listen for your husband’s relationship needs. I’m including links for John Gottman’s 7 Conversations book and Sue Johnson’s Hold me Tight book along with some other video learning resources to get started and links to find a very good therapist should you decide to seek marital therapy:
Dr. John Gotmann (couples communication videos and link):
If you choose to go to couple’s therapy at some point, please make sure that you choose a therapist from this list with a “C” or an “S” beside their name and credentials if you can (S is usually better). If you can’t find a therapist in your area I advise e-mailing or phoning the EFT and then the Gottman Institute Sites as there are often therapists around the world who haven’t registered with the find a therapist lists:
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