Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like this relationship has caused you a lot a pain. This man is physically, emotionally and financially abusive towards you. He has been in jail numerous times for various crimes and habitually has used you to commit more. He also cheats and is not responsible for his children. Going back to this man is going to cause you more harm than good. The cycle of abuse and pain will continue as long as you are with him.
The best options for you right now is to work on staying away from this relationship. To do that, it is important you find out why you have the desire to be with this man. I highly recommend you to to therapy. A therapist can help you find the reasons why you feel compelled to seek this man out and have a relationship with him. My guess would be that there is something lacking emotionally from your childhood that you are trying to fulfill. The therapist can help you find out what that is and give you healthy ways of resolving those feelings so you don't feel the need to seek out harmful relationships.
To find a therapist, talk with your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
To address your feeling of needing forgiveness, consider talking to your pastor if you attend church. If not, the therapist can help you resolve this feeling. You can also write a letter (not to send, just for yourself) asking this man to forgive you. You could also contact him as well. But if you decide to do that, you may want to contact your attorney first to learn the consequences for bringing false charges against this man. Just so you are prepared in case you need legal counsel.
You also can help yourself work on the issues related to your relationship. Here are some resources:
Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships by Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth and Paul Meier M.D.
The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It by Leslie Vernick
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this has helped you,
I understood what you asked originally when you talked about your feelings about falsely accusing your boyfriend of hitting you and having him sent to jail. Whether or not you are a bad person has more to do with how you feel about yourself than something a therapist needs to judge. If you feel you are bad for doing this, then you need to address how you feel. Talking to a therapist will help you cope with this feeling.
Getting him to forgive you is something he has to be willing to do. There is no technique or method to get someone else to cooperate with you unless they desire to do so. If he will not accept your messages, then there is no way to force him to forgive you. He either has to do this on his own or he will not. You can continue to try to contact him, but unless he is willing to respond, he is under no obligation to forgive you. Forgiving yourself and moving on would be a much better and healthier option.
Given his past behavior with you and other women, it is possible that he will leave his current relationship. But there is no way to tell for sure. Predicting someone's behavior is highly unreliable, especially since I do not know him. You will need to look at his past behavior and the fact that he probably hasn't changed in personality to see if you feel he will stay in the current relationship.
I still suggest you seek out counseling to work out your feelings about your relationship with this man. The relationship you had with him was dysfunctional and will only hurt you in the end, if you could get back together with him. Finding out the reason why you would want to be hurt in such a relationship is important so you do not have to go through this again.
You're welcome! I wish you the best.
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