Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you are not sure of why the relationship is failing. Have you and your wife talked about your relationship and why each of you are considering divorce? If lack of communication is part of the problem, then talking with each other would be an excellent first step in fixing your marriage. Make a date to sit down for an hour or so and talk out how you each feel. Take turns and respect what the other person is saying. Allow feelings but no direct attacks or hurtful remarks. Listen well to each other by making eye contact and if needed, repeat back what the other person says. It helps to make you feel you have been listened to.
Also, you may want to consider seeing a marriage counselor together. Although it is great you are both in counseling, working on your problems together will help you to feel closer and give you both something to focus on. It also helps you communicate better.
If you attend church, try talking with your pastor. Faith can often be something that holds couples together when all else fails.
Here are some resources to help you in your marriage:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/- this is a website that helps you learn how to communicate better with each other.
How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat
How To Save Your Marriage From 12 Top Marriage Killers by H. Paul Honsinger and Kathleen Honsinger
When a Mate Wants Out: Secrets for Saving a Marriage by Sally Conway and Jim Conway
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
I hope this has helped you,