How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5241
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wife and I are getting a divorce out of the blue. Prolly

Customer Question

My wife and I are getting a divorce out of the blue. Prolly cause we did not communicate well and did not take time for each other. She started to see another man before she told me it was over. I can tell she is very regretfully and shamed but, wants to see where this current relasionship goes. I am slowly moving on. We are seprately seeing coucelers. I'm am holding out with very small hope that she will find her way back to me so that we can keep our family. Is this a hopeless hope or could her regret bring her back?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you are not sure of why the relationship is failing. Have you and your wife talked about your relationship and why each of you are considering divorce? If lack of communication is part of the problem, then talking with each other would be an excellent first step in fixing your marriage. Make a date to sit down for an hour or so and talk out how you each feel. Take turns and respect what the other person is saying. Allow feelings but no direct attacks or hurtful remarks. Listen well to each other by making eye contact and if needed, repeat back what the other person says. It helps to make you feel you have been listened to.

 

Also, you may want to consider seeing a marriage counselor together. Although it is great you are both in counseling, working on your problems together will help you to feel closer and give you both something to focus on. It also helps you communicate better.

 

If you attend church, try talking with your pastor. Faith can often be something that holds couples together when all else fails.

 

Here are some resources to help you in your marriage:

 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/- this is a website that helps you learn how to communicate better with each other.

 

http://www.marriagetoday.com/

 

How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat

 

How To Save Your Marriage From 12 Top Marriage Killers by H. Paul Honsinger and Kathleen Honsinger

 

When a Mate Wants Out: Secrets for Saving a Marriage by Sally Conway and Jim Conway

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5241
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Not really. We are going to get the divorce. She seems to think she nneds to find someone s she puts it, " Compatible with". I'm just wondering if there is a chance she will see otherwise and how often do you see it happen? And how long does it take. I'm fraid it will tke too long.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

She may see otherwise, but probably only if you make the effort. It really isn't a matter of her seeing this on her own, nor is it a matter of time. There has to be a reason to change the course of the marriage to divorce. The marriage counseling I suggested would help her see your marriage in a different light, if she is willing. When it comes to saving your marriage, it is about how much work you each put into it. If she and you are both willing, then the chances are high that it could work.

 

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
< Last | Next >
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • Armed with your answer I was able to talk with my son and daughter-in-law about their child who wasn't growing and who wasn't speaking. Since then she has grown about 1/4 of an inch and picked up 4 lbs. Her appetite and awareness have both improved. Sydney Galveston, Texas
  • You are absolutely the best team of health professionals on the WEB! MB Rosedale, NY
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education