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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My wife and I are getting a divorce out of the blue. Prolly

Customer Question

My wife and I are getting a divorce out of the blue. Prolly cause we did not communicate well and did not take time for each other. She started to see another man before she told me it was over. I can tell she is very regretfully and shamed but, wants to see where this current relasionship goes. I am slowly moving on. We are seprately seeing coucelers. I'm am holding out with very small hope that she will find her way back to me so that we can keep our family. Is this a hopeless hope or could her regret bring her back?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like you are not sure of why the relationship is failing. Have you and your wife talked about your relationship and why each of you are considering divorce? If lack of communication is part of the problem, then talking with each other would be an excellent first step in fixing your marriage. Make a date to sit down for an hour or so and talk out how you each feel. Take turns and respect what the other person is saying. Allow feelings but no direct attacks or hurtful remarks. Listen well to each other by making eye contact and if needed, repeat back what the other person says. It helps to make you feel you have been listened to.


Also, you may want to consider seeing a marriage counselor together. Although it is great you are both in counseling, working on your problems together will help you to feel closer and give you both something to focus on. It also helps you communicate better.


If you attend church, try talking with your pastor. Faith can often be something that holds couples together when all else fails.


Here are some resources to help you in your marriage: this is a website that helps you learn how to communicate better with each other.


How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat


How To Save Your Marriage From 12 Top Marriage Killers by H. Paul Honsinger and Kathleen Honsinger


When a Mate Wants Out: Secrets for Saving a Marriage by Sally Conway and Jim Conway


You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.


I hope this has helped you,


TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Not really. We are going to get the divorce. She seems to think she nneds to find someone s she puts it, " Compatible with". I'm just wondering if there is a chance she will see otherwise and how often do you see it happen? And how long does it take. I'm fraid it will tke too long.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

She may see otherwise, but probably only if you make the effort. It really isn't a matter of her seeing this on her own, nor is it a matter of time. There has to be a reason to change the course of the marriage to divorce. The marriage counseling I suggested would help her see your marriage in a different light, if she is willing. When it comes to saving your marriage, it is about how much work you each put into it. If she and you are both willing, then the chances are high that it could work.



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