Hello and thank you for your question.
How long has your daughter been behaving this way? Do you think that she is perhaps using drugs or alcohol as well? Was there anything that triggered these behaviors in her?
okay thank you for the additional information. What I would really recommend you do at this point, is consult a psychiatrist, who is a m.d. level clinician. I suggest that as the behaviors are quite severe and aggressive, and there could be an underlying reason for these behaviors that may need more attention than behavioral counseling.
I would not hesitate in contacting a psychiatrist in your area who specializes in conduct disorders or adolescent issues and have your daughter thoroughly assessed by the psychiatrist.
Also, keep open communication with your daughter and let her know you are on her side, while also continuing to enforce those boundaries (like you have been doing) and making sure there are consequences to her behaviors. You will need support and a comprehensive approach to dealing with her behaviors, such as the counseling, psychiatrist, and clear boundaries at home. Often teens feel like their lives are always going to be the way the feel in the moment, so do remind her, that things will get better than how she may feel now. Also, be aware of who she is spending time with (as far as friends go) as that can have a huge influence on her behavior and attitudes as well. Please click ACCEPT button so I'm credited for my help today. Feel free to continue discussion with me even after clicking accept. Thank you.
The boundaries for staying out all night and not coming home, could be that she is not permitted to going out in the evening with her friends, until she can understand how serious this behavior is. She needs to know that it's dangerous and also that you are extremely concerned when she does not come home at all. That behavior is completely inappropriate and is not safe. I would recommend that she therefore does not go out, with her friends for atleast 2 weeks. If she cannot realize or demonstrate accountability, then she will just have to stay home at night.
The boundary or consequence matches the misbehavior. You can't allow her to get the upperhand by threatening to run away, etc. So, demonstrate that you care about her and love her, and this is why you must enforce these boundaries so she can learn from her mistakes and keep herself out of harm's way, etc. Setting these boundaries are things you could work on with her, in family counseling sessions as well. Maybe you could schedule some time to see your daughter with her counselor and discuss these issues and set the boundaries along with the counselor's input. Please click ACCEPT. and feel free to respond further. thank you
So she is very defiant of you obviously. This is why I really recommend that you take her to see a psychiatrist who can accurately assess and diagnose what is going on with your daughter. I really recommend also that you set up an appointment with her counselor asap and request that you go as well, and address these issues. You need more support than you are currently receiving.