hi, thank you
I can certainly understand your concerns for your daughter. You are right to not want to question your daughter about her father. It is very important that you keep her out of the middle. I recommend you get her into counseling with someone who is knowledgable in working with children and divorce. Let that person be the ears and eyes you are looking for so you can step back and just be a mom, not a detective. It is important that you keep your daughter safe, but rely on other adults (therapist, lawyer, social services) to accomplish this. Is a three year old reliable? yes and no. They have a very rich fantasy life at that age and can be easily led.
will a therapist beable to find out some of the answers I need to know about my daugher?
You need to be a mom. Support and educate your daughter. Find preschool books about alcoholism. Ask the children's librarian at your local library. They will be able to direct you to some great resources. Go to the Alanon website. They have publications that may be helpful too, http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
A therapist will not be a detective either and it would be counter productive to therapy to be in that role. But through the play therapy process, a therapist will be able to detect if there are concerns. They are also a mandated reporter, so any concerns will be reported.
should I drop her off when I have concerns?
Either way, I am doing my daughter an injustice
I know what I see but there's no proof and she wants to see her father
Yes, it is a horrible situation. You need to talk to an attorney about the best choices you have. If you don't drop her off, he may be able to build a case that you are denying him visitation. If you do drop her off, you worry. Ask your attorney. While you are in the process of divorce, you do not want to do anything that will jeopardize your custody. If he is able to see her more often because of missteps you take now, that would be a greater injustice.
True. That's how I feel. This divorce is taking forever and it's awful all the way around. I will take your advice and seek a therapist.