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Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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I recently married someone i believe to be bpd. I have done

Customer Question

I recently married someone i believe to be bpd. I have done lots of research on line on sytoms and actions of someone with this disorder and ever sytom is there. unfortunitly so are the sytoms of what i will believe and feel. I have a twelve yr old son that lives with me and now she has begun to envole him in this roller coaster ride. I never thought she would cross this line and i believed i could handle it for the love i felt for her. She currently sees a therapist and claims she is ptsd. but there have been so many lies i dont know what to believe. our relationship became much worse after our marriage in oct. and she has began to threaten to kill herself and also makes threats towards other people that she believes are doing things to derail everything from her finances to her relationships. I really dont know what to do at this point should i try to talk to her therapist about these issues? I've tried to talk to her about them and its becomes nuclear very quickly then 10 mins later it never happened.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

 

Can you clarify what you mean by "so are the symptoms of what i will believe and feel." I'm not sure what you are saying there.

Also what has she done exactly to involve your son in this? Did she do or say something to him? Does she act out and/or rage in front of him?

 

How often is she seeing her therapist and for how long? thanks for the additional info...

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Soory, what I meant by that is that while researching this online I read that with alot of issues she would make me feel that i was the problem and that I was crazy that it was all my fault so one and so forth.

With my son she has started to try to place blame on him for several things that she has said and done. Yes she rages in front of him the best way i know to decribe it is like foaming at the mouth I know that sounds gross but its what its like.

She sees her therapist once every 2 weeks and has done so since approx. 2006.

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Okay, thank you for the information. She does sound like there are definitely traits of bpd, though I cannot say with any certainty, unless I would diagnose through an in person assessment. I'm sure you are concerned about how her behavior is affecting your son and that is your first priority. He will not understand this and will more likely internalize her behaviors if she starts blaming him, etc. Not to mention her rages are certainly going to be very frightening for him. Therapy once every 2 weeks is not enough. You could contact her therapist and let him/her know about the threats and the rages, that it's happening in front of your young son, etc. That is the best thing to do here. If you do feel that she is in danger of harming herself you can call 911 or take her to the emergency room, and also call the therapist. With someone, who is bpd, there do need to be consequences to the behavior. You can't control or reason with the person but can set boundaries. When you blame my son, I will... leave the house with him, not allow you to be around him, go away for the weekend with him for a break, etc.

Things you will do in response to her behavior. kind of dealing with a child. Also, there is a book called Stop Walking on Eggshells, What to do when someone who care about has BPD, by Rande Gerber. You can get it an amazon.com.

I would also look into some counseling for your son as well, so he can feel heard and voice anything that is bothering him. Be sure to tell him yourself, that none of this is about him at all, and that she is mentally ill, and you are taking care of the situation. Also, if the behaviors continue and don't improve, you will have to decide if you can continue to have your son around this behavior. Meaning, he needs to have a safe and secure home environment and that comes first here. Do not hesitate to contact her therapist, in fact do so today and let the therapist know what is going on. There is good treatment for borderline disorder called DBT, which helps them to regulate their emotions, reduce the rage etc. Here is a link about this therapy. You could ask the therapist is they know about this therapy as it's proven to be effective.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

I wish you the best in this. Please click ACCEPT button so I'm credited for my help today. Feel free to respond if needed to me, even after clicking accept. Thank you.

 

Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.
Did you have any more questions for me? If so, please do ask. Otherwise, please click on ACCEPT so I'm credited for my help today. Thank you!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Could I ask you one more question?

 

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

sure

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I know this is going to sound silly. But I am worried about talking to her therapist for the fear of her finding out. there have been situations in the past where i've had conversations with some of her family members about my wifes behaviour and them not realizing the severity of my situation questioned her on some of her actions. That is when it becomes a literial living hell.
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.
I understand, but you cannot let the person with the disorder, run this house, out of fear of her behavior. If you are that fearful of her, then perhaps it would be better living environment for you and your son to be elsewhere. Why would you want to subject you and your son to literal living hell? The therapist is there to help her, and she does need to know if she threatens to kill herself, the rage, etc. You could certainly tell the therapist your concerns like you did here. That you worry about her knowing you called her, as that will cause another rage. Don't be afraid to tell the therapist this...the therapist is not allowed to disclose info, to you however.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you very much you have gave me the piece of mind I needed to know it is the right thing to do.

 

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.
you are very welcome. best wishes to you... please leave feedback for me, if you don't mind... thank you.

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