My 25 year old grandson lives a virtual life on his computers. His only friends are there, he spends his entire day on computer playing games, talking to "friends,". I do not know for sure, but I believe he has computer sex.
I am 69 years old and want to foster as much independence in him before I die. When his parents--my son 20 when he was born, and mother 16 when he was born, divorced, she took him out of state to a neglected and possiblly abusive environment. when she was arrested and sent to prision for cocaine possession, he came to live with me. His father essentially forgot about the child after the divorce.
I overprotected my grandson. Wouldn't let him out of my sight. RJ (grandson) seemed to be a happy child and very social. He started pre-K at 4 yrs. He attended private school through 5th grade, where he was very social, but inattentive to his schoolwork. Homework was a battle. When he was refused by the school, rather than put him in public school, I attempted to homeschool him. Getting him to work was a battle.
At age 15 I took him on a cruise around South America. We were supposed to be schooling, again a battle, and essentially the end of his schooling. Two years later, without studying he passed his GED. No further schooling since then.
He will not learn to drive, says he is afraid.
He has many fears: spiders, flying, dogs. He has developed anxiety
attacks. He says he is homosexual. As far as I know he has never had sex, but I could be wrong.
Also, he is growth hormone deficient, and for years was on daily injections of growth hormone. He produces no sex hormones, and uses a daily testosterone patch, and takes thyroid. Left on his own he would not use the testosterone and would take the thyroid about half the time.
He opted to discontinue the growth hormone when he turned 18, although it was explained to him about the possible effects of osteoporesis, etc.
He has never worked. To me he acts about 12 years old. I do not believe he could hold a job.
Three years ago I bought two houses side-by-side, his father, step-mother, and 2 half brothers live next door. This seems to have been good for him, as he is more involved with family activities. His 16 year old brother spends a lot of time with him, although David has his own busy life: string of girlfriends, guitar, private school, building a car.
Matthew the 13 year old brother is a very irritating child, and RJ does not like spending time with him, but is tolerant when he is around.
RJ has some issues with his father. Says he hates him. But seems to enjoy talking to him.
I am profoundly disappointed in his father and his 2nd wife. I do not believe I can rely on them to put RJ's well-being as a prioritiy. My son is not independent either. he worked for years as an auto mechanic, until he persuaded me to back him in his own shop. Ten years ago. I am still giving him money every month for his shop. He lives under the illusion that he is making an income??? I have discussed this with Robert, but the discussions always degenerate, and I continue to support him and his family. He could have gone to college, but he didn't. Speaking frankly, his 2nd wife is not a smart girl. The word geek comes to mind. She is a liar, possibly a thief, constantly talking without awareness of appropriateness. Dresses like an idiot.
How do I sort all of this out? RJ has many physical complaints and anxiety. I started by getting a physical--here in medical-mill south Florida, he was started on buspirone 5mg tabs Bid, but he does not take it, he takes one once in a while when very anxious. His other meds are synthroid 0.125 mg daily (about 50% compliance.) Vitamin D 50,000 Unit once weekly--only takes when goaded into it, but feels better when he does. and Androderm 5mgm, I think he tries to avoid this. He does see an endocrinologist, but since he is noncompliant, mostly get is told to take his meds and come back in 3 months.
I have determined to get this straightened out. I know I have been overprotective and inconsistent and responsible for a lot of this. This consultation is my first step. I will be going to Durham, NC, June 1 for the summer, and plan on taking RJ to Duke. What do I do now, first. How do I sort this out?