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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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My 6 year olds behaviour is getting very extreme, he is violent

Customer Question

My 6 year olds behaviour is getting very extreme, he is violent and uses bad language, and just will not do as he is told. I recently lost my Husband and i suffer Bi polar and feel i cannot cope anymore with my son, he is under CAHMs but they dont seem to be helping at all
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Brad The Therapist :

thank you for your question. I was wondering when your son's behaviors first start? How would you describe your attachment to your son?

Customer :

My son has had bad behaviour since he was 3 years old he is now nearly 7. My Husband (not my childs father) was killed in action in December gone and i now feel i cannot cope with my sons behaviour anymore, he kicks, bites, curses, aggressive

Brad The Therapist :

Please describe your parenting style. What is your attachment like with your son? What diagnosis has the CAMH gave to your son?

Customer :

I am not as tough on him as my husband was but my husband was very regimental. I use things like time out and quiet time and take his toys as consequences but nothin seems to work at all. I am very loving towards my son and try to have a balance

Customer :

CAHMs have not given me any diagnosis

Brad The Therapist :

What is your relationship life with your husband?

Customer :

My husband was killed in Afghanistan in December gone but we had a very strong stable relationship

Brad The Therapist :

I am sorry for your loss. I completed missed that on your previous post. Since your husband died, what was you 6 year old's response to this news?

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 3 years ago.
I apologize for switching to Q&A format, my chat format is not working properly
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He has become more angry and i am unable to control his behaviour no matter what i try
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 3 years ago.
What have you said to your son about his father's death?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have told him the truth as i was told not to hide the honest answers from him, he is nearly 7 so he understands the difference between life and death. He isnt his biological Dad and he does see his own Dad but ony once a fortnight
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 3 years ago.
Has he asked questions about the death of your husband? Do you feel he have grieved his loss?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Im not sure how to grieve myself so im finding it difficult to know if hes grieving
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 3 years ago.
children have a tendency to pick up distress by their parents and I'm afraid this may be a case for your son. My recommendation for you is to either attend a support group for grieving or obtain individual therapy. These support groups are usually free and held at medical centers in your area. Another recommendation I have for you is to share your feelings of loss and sadness as well as hope and memory of your husband with your son. I urge you to do a project with your son where you create something in memory of your husband which will help with the grieve process. I am sorry about loss, and please let me know if you have questions about these recommendations.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He has had behaviour problems since he was 3 years old he is now nearly 7. I have tried social services, CAHM's, my GP. medicine but nothing works, my Husbands death just seems to have made the problems worse
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 3 years ago.
I encourage you to continue with the CAHM'. Also please consider joining a support group for grieving, Another recommendation is a formulation of a behavioral plan where your son has a say in terms of incentives he can gain if accomplishes task of the behavioral plan

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