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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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A seemingly nice blended family moved in next door to us, 2

Customer Question

A seemingly nice blended family moved in next door to us, 2 boys 10 and 11, a girl 13, and 2 older boys. We have a son, 11 and daughter, 15. The mother of the younger three kids next door has confided in me that all three children have been sexually molested by her sisters boyfriend (apparently now incarcerated). The 2 boys have also mentioned this to me. We are a Christian family, wisely protective of our children, including who their friends are, whose home they enter and where they are at, at all times. My question and huge concern is, do I allow my kids to be friends with or spend time with these children? Is their a risk, whether it be your professional opinion, experience or statistically, of my kids being influenced by these kids due to their unfortunate experience? What would you do if they were your neighbors and your kids!?
Jeana, IN
(XXXXX@XXXXXX.XXX)
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Thank you so much for question. I have a clarification question. What did you mean by your kids being influenced by your neighbor's kids? Does your son and daughter have interest in being friends with your neighbors?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It is my understanding that the majority of pedifiles were also victims of molestation at some previous time, meaning there must be a lot of molested children who become molesters (obviously due to improper processing of what happened to them). With this in mind, I have a concern with them spending time with my children. Perhaps I should say "danger" instead of influence. I mean, if there's a higher risk of these boys becoming pedifiles or this girl becoming promiscuous, when does this behavior start? in what form? Am I over-reacting to wonder if there could be potentially harmful, immoral, negative affects or influence on my children with time spent with these victims of molestation? My heart goes out to them, I am certainly not wanting to be cruel, discriminatory or incommpassionate. I just want to protect my own children I beleive you can and should have a say in who your childrens friends are. If I knew of parents who did drugs with their kids, I would not allow my own kids to hang out with them, perhaps the kids have become addicted (even though they started as victims), like doing the drugs, and influence my kids to try, or they are harboring intense anger and rage because they feel victimized. I don't know, just don't want to be naive. Some decisions in who they befriend are easy, a kid with a foul mouth, a teen girl that dresses like a prostitute, but this I'm unsure about. They seem to be attention-seeking, a little needy of approval or acceptance, and the 2 boys stretch the truth often. I know they were both just put on medication, 1 for ADD, the other for ADHD. It's the bigger stuff I'm concerned about, specifically, what ARE the typical and possible effects of child molestation on the child? I would think being left with a normal childhood, thought life, etc., would be slim, sadly, at least without good therapy for a long enough time. Yes, the neighbors do want to be friends with my kids, as a matter of fact, we've taken them to church several times and they have been here playing maybe 6 or 8 times. My kids are less interested, but we homeschool and they get bored. Seems the neighbors are always waiting for them to come out or for us to pull in the drive --sometimes they're in our backyard even! I've heard it said "Tell me who your friends are, and I"ll tell you who you are." I would agree, which is why I am concerned!

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