The problem is that you have a fetish that creates an environment different than what most people need to become aroused. If you want to maintain such a lifestyle, you will need to find a partner that is open to such an idea. This cannot be influenced on someone else who will not want to particiapte in this. Instead you should seek others with these interests. If you wish to eliminate this behavior, then you need to see a therapist who is trained in fetishes. This can be awkward but professionals are trained in sexual habits that are unusual. You can explore having relationship that are not based on such habits. You deserve a relationship that is sexually fulfilling. Your decision has to be whether you work hard to find pleasure in typical sexual relationships or you wish to pursue partners that are interested in submission as well. Do what makes you happy - not just what is socially acceptable
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I appreciate your points and maybe wasn't completely clear in the question, however to reiterate I do want a typical sexual relationship as I want a partner I can make happy and longer term create a family with.
I agree a therapist is a good idea and have been toying with the idea for sometime although it's embarrassing trying to find one who deals in such habits which is why I came to this website hoping to at least get the first steps of what a pherapist would tell me in how I go about actually tackling this problem.