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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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Hi I am a 30 year old men and like women. I have messed

Customer Question


I am a 30 year old men and like women.

I have messed around with a few girls (not many) but never really gone all the way or had a girlfriend.

The problem is for as long as I can remember I am sexually aroused by the thought off / or actually being dominated and humiliated by them.

As much as I like women normally I cant get sexually aroused in a normal way by seeing them naked, etc- only by being submissive.

This scares me as I dont know how I am supposed to build any kind of relationshio or build any kind of family.

Is there any way I can get over this in order to help develop a normal relationship.

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

The problem is that you have a fetish that creates an environment different than what most people need to become aroused. If you want to maintain such a lifestyle, you will need to find a partner that is open to such an idea. This cannot be influenced on someone else who will not want to particiapte in this. Instead you should seek others with these interests. If you wish to eliminate this behavior, then you need to see a therapist who is trained in fetishes. This can be awkward but professionals are trained in sexual habits that are unusual. You can explore having relationship that are not based on such habits. You deserve a relationship that is sexually fulfilling. Your decision has to be whether you work hard to find pleasure in typical sexual relationships or you wish to pursue partners that are interested in submission as well. Do what makes you happy - not just what is socially acceptable



If this was helpful press accept

Customer: replied 5 years ago.



I appreciate your points and maybe wasn't completely clear in the question, however to reiterate I do want a typical sexual relationship as I want a partner I can make happy and longer term create a family with.


I agree a therapist is a good idea and have been toying with the idea for sometime although it's embarrassing trying to find one who deals in such habits which is why I came to this website hoping to at least get the first steps of what a pherapist would tell me in how I go about actually tackling this problem.

Expert:  Arundhati replied 5 years ago.

I see that the previous expert has opted out of this question so I'll try to answer your last query.

I understand your hesitation about contacting a therapist regarding this issue but as the previous expert said, there are professionals trained in this area who can help you.

I would recommend that you look up this directory. Simply enter your zip code and select sex therapist from the drop down menu. You will be able to look up all the sex therapists available in your area and can contact them for a consult.

I hope this was helpful. Please click on "Accept" if it was helpful as experts are not credited for their time or service otherwise.

Kind regards,


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