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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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Ive been with a guy sexully for 5 1/2 yrs he got married 3

Resolved Question:

I've been with a guy sexully for 5 1/2 yrs he got married 3 months ago, emailed me on the day of his wedding about unrelated subjuct and still continues to try to see me even now that he is married. He wanted to see me 2 wks after he married. Throough his whole relationship with his now wife he was seeing me. Background my ex has threatened him in the past. Why does he continue to see me knowing that I have feelings for him
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 6 years ago.

Brad The Therapist :

Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear about your current situation with this guy. Before I answer your question, what are your feelings towards this guy now. You want nothing to do with him, but are you angry at him? If so have you been able to express these feelings towards him?

Customer:

Honestly I still have strong feelings for him.

Brad The Therapist :

Ideally, what would you like to have happened with this guy?

Customer:

I would have liked a relationship with him. More past history he wants children I am 47 and he is 42 I have 2 boys noe one is 21 and the other 16. I guess I'm wanting to know why would he stay with me for this long and still continue even though he's married

Brad The Therapist :

He is staying with you because you are fulfilling a need his wife is not able to fulfill. Do you know what this might be?

Customer:

Well then I guess that would be sexual.

Brad The Therapist :

What about any emotional need?

Brad The Therapist :

Now that you have determined that he may be fulfilling his sexual needs through you, what do you think about him?

Customer:

Not sure, I ,mean he does talk about somethings with me. I dont believe that thats the only reason I beleive there is some feelings but considering our past with my ex threatening him and my ex still has an issue about bringing up to my grown boys which they already know the situation. I've been divorced 4 yrs. and the fact that this other guys really wants children

Customer:

he's even wanted me to come to his house, really.

Brad The Therapist :

It seems as though you are in conflict with your emotional side, which is you want to spend time with this person, and the logical self where you do not think having this relationship is a good idea.

Brad The Therapist :

My question for you at this point is what do you want to do? Do you think you will get hurt if you continued this relationship? Do you feel that you can convince him to leave his marriage?

Brad The Therapist :

these questions are not meant to place judgement of your decision.

Customer:

Spend more time with this person yes, I guess what I'm looking for is knowing if he has feelings ( not sexual) and the reason he is married is because of a chance to have the children he wants. If I knew that it would be easier for me to let go

Customer:

When he is with me sexually it is almost as if he makes love, he does look at me in the eyes and I feel if there was nothing he would look away

Brad The Therapist :

Great. I believe you answered your question. the next step for you is how are you going to communicate this to him.

Customer:

So knowing some of the story you would tend to beleive the same? I guess just pull away again and let him figure it out for himself.

Customer:

I've really never pulled away and when I did that just made him contact me more

Brad The Therapist :

Actually, I was thinking more of you confronting him on the reasons why he is still pursuing you and reasons why he married his wife. You mentioned that knowing these answers will help you with closure with this relationship.

Brad The Therapist :

Do you think you can approach him and ask these questions to him?

Customer:

I think I will pull away and leave him with his thoughts, When he tries to contact me again I think I could ask these questions.

Brad The Therapist :

I wish you luck. I hope I was helpful to you.

Customer:

Thank you

Brad The Therapist :

Good luck again, I hope you consider hitting the "accept" button if you feel that I was helpful. Thank you.

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