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Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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My daughter-in-law who has a docorate in Psychology, insists

Resolved Question:

My daughter-in-law who has a docorate in Psychology, insists that whatever you do with
one of her daughters you must do the same with the other daughter (2+ yrs difference).
If we want to take one anywhere, we must take both or neither. I suppose that the older
will not be able to date until the younger one can or even get married before the other!
What psychology principle says that all kids have to be treated EXACTLY the same?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 6 years ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you, but see you have gone offline. I am unaware of any psychological, therapeudic principle that requires exactly equal treatment for children who are close in age. It would be helpful to know the ages of your grand-daughters. If they are really young, under age 5, then your daughter-in-law wanting them doing everything together would be understandable, as small children have not fully developed their cognitive thinking skills and might not understand the reason for doing things separately. Even so, having this as an absolute rule is extreme. If they are over age 5, then this practice is not only unrealistic, but borders on the ridiculous as they will develop different interests and have different schedules with school, sports, etc It is unfortunate the your daughter-in-law is so rigid. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have worked with individuals, familes, children and teens for over 15 years; in my professional opinion your daughter-in-law still has some emotional issue of her own to work through. Unfortunately, having a Doctorate in Psychology alone does not make us wise. I hope I have answered your question. If so, please remember to click on the green accept button so that i will receive credit for my professional time. If not, chat back when you are next on site and I will respond. I has been my pleasure, take care, Eleanor

Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 6 years ago.
Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you, but see you have gone offline. I am unaware of any psychological, therapeudic principle that requires exactly equal treatment for children who are close in age. It would be helpful to know the ages of your grand-daughters. If they are really young, under age 5, then your daughter-in-law wanting them doing everything together would be understandable, as small children have not fully developed their cognitive thinking skills and might not understand the reason for doing things separately. Even so, having this as an absolute rule is extreme. If they are over age 5, then this practice is not only unrealistic, but borders on the ridiculous as they will develop different interests and have different schedules with school, sports, etc It is unfortunate the your daughter-in-law is so rigid. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have worked with individuals, familes, children and teens for over 15 years; in my professional opinion your daughter-in-law still has some emotional issue of her own to work through. Unfortunately, having a Doctorate in Psychology alone does not make us wise. I hope I have answered your question. If so, please remember to click on the green accept button so that i will receive credit for my professional time. If not, chat back when you are next on site and I will respond. I has been my pleasure, take care, Eleanor

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