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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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I am a 45 year old women - engaged to a 49 year old man for the last 5 years, but have bee

Customer Question

I am a 45 year old women - engaged to a 49 year old man for the last 5 years, but have been together for a total of 12 years! We do not live together - we live 10 minutes apart in 2 separate homes. We were supposed to be married this year on May 1st - (this will be the 5th time he has cancelled the wedding date) We are still planning on taking the honeymoon in the Caribbean April 29-May 10th. I have gotten used to the disappointment, so really it does upset me but I act like it doesn't. I cannot talk to anyone about this because of my fiance's notoriety but I am at a crossroad and am in need of help.
This man has tested me to the utmost but I have stood by him unconditionally. I want to be married and totally commited and actually live and co-habitate together. No matter what he has done - I am now at a crossroads where I am seeking therapy because I am on the edge of finally standing up for myself and telling him I want to be married or I am prepared to leave!!! What to do??
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 3 years ago.
Hi, Welcome to JA. Let me ask you a question before I offer an answer. Did he tell you why he canceled the wedding date, May 1st?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He is a very wealthy man - and this time his excuse is he has too much money tied up off shore that he does not think it's a good idea to reveal this to my attorney (which by the way - I do not have, so I guess this is hypothetically speaking) He actually started this "pre-nup" last year (then I found out out there was another woman in the picture) and since then has come up with excuse after excuse to make me believe that's it's so hard for him to reveal his financials to MY attorney (which BTW I have never even contacted) (the woman is not in the pic anymore)
HIS financial advisor and HIS attorneys have agreed this IS NOT the right time for him to be married. I have absolutely NO problem with a pre-nup as long as it's fair - I would never have even given it a second thought but this was HIS idea. He wants to protect himself so I guess I should too. But that again is just an excuse (I believe) If you truly love someone you figure it out - Bill Gates did , Donald Trump did - I am only using these names because of the similarity to my man and situation. (sorry I cannot reveal more than what I already have - I really need this to be totally confidential) Please help if you can - I can give you even more background but I think you can tell by what I've told you already what the past 12 years has been like! I am in therapy now because I have not left my house in months!!!

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