Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Your very frank letter spelled things out quite clearly. You are faced with some choices now.
One of them, I agree, is NOT telling your husband, for it will destroy your family. If somehow he finds out about this affair, it will also destroy your family. Your affair may be known to someone else, by chance, and it may get back to him.
I understand how unfulfilled you were before the affair, and how this has restored you and has kept you yearning to feel alive, desired, cared for. It is hard to resist but you have to remember that you are playing with fire.
- continue the affair most cautiously; it may be your undoing; your lover may get caught and his wife spill the beans to your husband; he may get bored with you and drop you causing great depression; you might even reach a point where you begin to resent your husband and things will start to unravel.
- cut the affair off now; you will also risk resenting your husband, feel let down, and fall into depression; you and your husband could go into counseling because you feel you need to get the spark back into your marriage. this may work, but it may not, because the genie is already out of the bottle and replacing the cork just won't get him back inside.
This is what you call a dilemma. From the way you talk, you are probably going to continue the affair, although it may fizzle out eventually - or you may ultimately wish to leave your husband for this man.
I hope you can avoid consequences, but there are going to be some. Search deeply in your heart what all consequences might be, which are acceptable, and which are not, an then formulate a plane that works best for your life and for all those you care about. including and especially your own self.
My best wishes to you. May you have the power to dance between the raindrops.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC