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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am 57 years old. I am in a marriage of 37+ years and I have

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I am 57 years old. I am in a marriage of 37+ years and I have no desire to fix it and honestly think it is unfixable I am reluctant and sceptical about saving my marriage but for all honest attempts I need to try.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You describe a situation that you feel is hopeless, yet you are an old-school person who believes in the importance of trying to persevere, or at least to give your relationship at least another chance to change, even though years of trying to fix things have always failed.

I urge you to make a gallant effort in a very special way, to show the importance of the situation. Take her to an elegant restaurant in a peaceful setting where you are guaranteed a certain amount of privacy, and after you are relaxed and comfortable, tell her what is on your mind. You are old friends and have been together nearly two thirds of your lives, and have had lots of problems. You want to discuss the next, later years of your lives - and make a decision to either fix it, or part friends.

I know that you feel reluctant to abandon your wife physically, but on the other hand, you seem ready to move on. Perhaps she is ready to move on too, or perhaps she is afraid of an uncertain future this late in her life; maybe she still wants to cling to this relationship because she cannot face the unknown, which is understandable.

This may not fix anything, and might even be a precipitating event to tip things over the edge. You do need to move forward, even if it is going to involve tears, anger, accusations, and so forth.

You are at the critical stage: the end of the old relationship. It must either experience a rebirth, or must expire. Right now you are stuck and you need to do this in a way that will at least be civilized or at least involve making a valid attempt. Whatever you do, feathers may fly and tears may fall. There is too much history for this just to turn off like a light switch or fade away quietly.

Give it your best shot, and do your best to take the blows that may fall on you. You will have to be strong and persevering in your even-handedness and calm demeanor.

The object is to have an honest communication between two very old and dear friends, and try to find a way to come together or move apart.

I wish you the very best in your endeavor. God bless both of you.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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