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David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience:  Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
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Does transference ever go away, even if it is expressed. Need

Resolved Question:

Does transference ever go away, even if it is expressed. Need a psychiatrist to answer this. Don't want to change doctor. 26 years with him.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  David Akiva replied 3 years ago.

Therapist :

I'm a master's level clinician, but I've studied psychoanalysis for 20 years and I have very clear sense from my clinical practice what transference is and how it works/changes. May I help with your question?

JACUSTOMER-apfyrnoe- :

Yes

Therapist :

Ok, thank you, XXXXX XXXXX with another question. I can devote my entire attention to yours now.

Customer:

ok

Therapist :

Now, do you mind telling me a little bit about the key defining points of your transference?

Therapist :

Are you in classical analysis?

Customer:

I am with the psychiatrist for 26 years. It was instant recognition that he would help me enormously. It was also a type of recognition 'love' even in the beginning

Customer:

I don't know what classical analysis is?

Therapist :

Well are you ling on a coach or face to face?

Customer:

Face to Face. Desk in between

Therapist :

sorry couch Freudian slip.

Therapist :

Thank you. Do you discuss the transference in your sessions?

Customer:

First time. He sat beside me on a chair beside my bed in hospital 26 years ago. Yes we have discussed the

Customer:

transference. I wrote down all my feelings. He said I had nothing to worry about. He had 31 other female patients with the same problem and he only lost one of them

Therapist :

Thank you very much. I understand your usage now, of the term. This man has really helped you and been there for you for almost 3 decades! Your transference is your deep emotional connection with him at the attachment level.

Therapist :

..he protected and nurtured you and helped you to feel safe when you really needed it over the years

Customer:

Yes it is. the transference has eased, except if I have a disagreement with him. My father held great authority (natural) over us as children.

Customer:

I get very upset for up to a week afterwards, if I have a disagreement with him about anything

Therapist :

That makes perfect sense given what you've described so far, very normal. Do you want the current "form' of transference to end? Is it life-interfering in any way?

Therapist :

Are changing or ending therapy with him?

Therapist :

Sorry are you changing or ending therapy with him?

Customer:

He had a very strong Catholic faith when I met him first, and seems to have lost it My faith is now more powerful than his. I dont want to end therapy with himf

Therapist :

Alright. Do you mind helping me understand your question now that I get a much clearer sense of the nature of the transference?

Therapist :

You say you "don't want to change doctors"? In what context should this be taken in?

Customer:

No. He asked me in the beginning did I want to speak to another doctor about what I was going through but I didn't want to. I dont want to change because he knows me too well

Therapist :

I understand. Is it that you wish you had more than a doctor patient relationship?

Customer:

No. But he is extremely closed. A total absorber. He says only what he has to say. I accept that. Other patients find that challenging in him and have left him for that reaso

Therapist :

I hear you very clearly. What sort of disagreements have you had?

Customer:

I'm not really doing too bad. I only see him every 4 months and don't ring him in between. I feel very lonely when I walk away from him. I am happily married with 4 children. My eldest girl is bipolar aged 26. She used to attend him, but chose to go to another doctor now.

Customer:

We disagree over various things

Customer:

Sometimes I have been right. he has acknowledged that, to give him his due

Therapist :

I'm slowly getting the gist of your question. And I have the time so don't worry. Transference is a vast concept.

Therapist :

So what is your purpose for asking this question, if it's ok to ask?

Customer:

I just am in love with him and always have been.

Customer:

Will it get easier. It seems easy after some sessions and very hard after sessions where there has been disagreement over anything and always loneliness afterwards

Therapist :

Well that cuts to the chase. Transference is definitely a form of falling in love....

Therapist :

It can and it should get easier. The idea is to work through the transference as I'm sure you know....

Therapist :

The transference should be the focus of your work in therapy, unless there are more pressing life-interfering issues that have to be dealt with first. I'm sure you're doctor is aware of this and can point out when seemingly other issues become, hidden expressions of the transference.

Customer:

It was there in a powerful way from the first second I saw him. I find it harder to talk to him about it because I am afraid I will lose him if he thinks I haven't got over it by now it Because I am

Therapist :

Well that may be such an important step for you, to be able to function emotionally with more independence. The cases of transference I've studied, worked with and experienced first hand in my own analysis, is the idea of having a healthy transference; - one that doesn't cause you pain or harm in any way when you are apart.

Customer:

I find it too hard to talk to him about

Therapist :

You increasingly distinguish the past from the present, your father (as per your example above) and him the doctor here in the presence.

Therapist :

Has he conveyed a clinical strategy or plan for managing or working with your transference?

Customer:

I know. But I can't open the can again

Therapist :

Or does he see it as secondary to other work he's done with you?

Customer:

In a letter to me. But he never did it. I suspect some countertransference

Therapist :

What did the letter say?

Therapist :

...in this context?

Customer:

He talked out techniques for dealing with it and he would go thru them with me but he didnt

Therapist :

And if it's ok to ask, and only if you feel comfortable, may I ask what you are in treatment for?

Customer:

Bipolar. But normal mood for the last 2 and a half years. Full time school librarian

Customer:

He guided 3 of my four pregancies with medication. Sorted out my mother in law relationship and my bipolar daughter relationship

Therapist :

Wow, that's wonderful! Normal mood for almost 3 years from bi-polar!

Customer:

Also all the postnatal depression. Last one lasted for 3 years. It was horrific, depression and dyphoric elation, nightmare in hell

Customer:

Beautiful amazing child now aged 17 resulted. A true gift after all the pain

Therapist :

I am so sorry to hear about how you've suffered, you must be quite a good mother to manage all this effectively!

Customer:

I am as normal in my mood now all the time. I can spot the sick kids in school in the library and refer them to

Customer:

hethe counsellor. Also work as a mental health volunt teer one evening in the hospital. Provide them with information about their illnesses. Cen

Therapist :

That's great!

Customer:

Centre was set up by my doctor 5 years ago when he was medical director. I have helped with the fundraising in the Charity he set up from 1990 to 2000

Therapist :

Amazing work on your part. You've turned some serious negatives into some serious positives.

Customer:

So unfortunately got to know him 'outside' a bit as well. That didnt help

Therapist :

Some therapists will have ethi

Therapist :

caly acceptable relationships outside of sessions.

Therapist :

So back to your question. Would you phrase it any differently now that we've chatted?

Customer:

lYes. I think it will blow over. One friend of mine advised me not to confront him any more. Just to

Customer:

listen, and then make up my mind. I tend to challenge him if I dont agree with him

Therapist :

That's a healthy attitude to challenge assumptions. Sound's like he's a brilliant doctor also. There may indeed be some counter-transference here as well. It can be so hard to see sometimes.

Therapist :

That's part of why they gave it a special name!

Therapist :

And linked as an expression of the unconscious

Customer:

Patients have referred to the Wall around him He is a very brilliant doctor. I believe I was meant to meet him.

Therapist :

Well I'm not spiritually trained but I agree it's all part of the design

Customer:

Yes it is most definitely in the realms of the unconscious

Therapist :

Well it's been very good chatting with you today. I do have to getting going to work. Is there anything else you'd like to add here?

Customer:

However sometimes my intuition is stronger than his. I save one of his long term patients from suicide I sent the doctor an

Customer:

urgent note which saved the patients life

Customer:

And this happened just after he had been with the doctor...

Therapist :

Wow. That is something.

Customer:

It is. A gift I have been given from God. A survival tool

Therapist :

So you've been blessed, that's tr

Therapist :

ely wonderful.

Customer:

I have. thankyou so much. It was absolutely lovely talking to you. Funny, its easier when its anonymous. No repercussions with anyone

Therapist :

Your right, and your very welcome. It's been an honour to share part of your life from your descriptions and I hope that our chat was helpful to you.

Customer:

It was. Thankyou. What is your name

Therapist :

David.

Customer:

Biblical name.

Therapist :

Yes it is thank you.

Customer:

Well done. Keep typing into Cyberspace. Heaven exists there too. Good night

Therapist :

lol thank you good night to you as well!

Customer:

this was a great experience for me. Thanks a million. and goodnight

David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
David Akiva and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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