How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Arundhati Your Own Question

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
41101243
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Arundhati is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have done something in the past that I am having troubles

Resolved Question:

I have done something in the past that I am having troubles dealing with. The worst is knowing that if the one I love finds out he would be unbelievably hurt. I am need in positive feedback. I need to hear something positive... I don't really know what I am asking for I just need help.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds to me like you took some actions in the past which you are currently regretting.

First of all, please don't be to harsh on yourself. When you took the actions/steps that you took you probably didn't have all the information that you do now. Or perhaps you were consumed by emotion at that moment and weren't thinking straight? Whatever the reason, do keep in mind that it is now in the past, and there's nothing you can do to change it.

Consequently there are two approaches you can take. One approach would be to simply acknowledge that you did something wrong and to let it go and forget about it. To understand that you were limited in your thinking/reasoning and did what you did because you didn't know any better and you won't make the same mistake again. The second approach would be to speak to the person who you believe will be very hurt if he finds out. You can confess to them that you made a mistake and regret your actions and that you won't do it again.

I'd say go with the approach that feels most comfortable to you. But again, don't be too harsh on yourself.

I hope this was helpful.

Please do let me know if you have additional questions/thoughts.

Warm regards,

Arundhati
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
It is okay to just accept it and move forward, right?

I know that is what I want to do because I am not strong enough to confront him. I decided that's what I was going to do a while ago but I still hurt so much. I find I keep reciting "I hate myself, I hate myself" in my head. Realistically, I know what I did could have been much worse, but for me, it is worse enough.

Will this pain ever go away if I stick with this approach?
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Thank you for writing back with your additional question.

Yes, you can certainly accept that you made a mistake and move on. You need to ensure two things though. One is, you need to promise yourself that you will not repeat the mistake you made. And second is you've got to let go of the guilt. If you hold on to the guilt you will not be able to truly move on - you'll always be thinking back to the past and blaming yourself and that is not going to help anyone.

The pain will certainly go away if you can make the above two promises to yourself and whenever you find yourself thinking negatively, simply remind yourself of your promise and put the thoughts of the incident away from your mind.

Try this approach and see how it goes.

I hope this was helpful. If it was will you please consider clicking on the "Accept" button as experts are not credited for their time or service otherwise.

You are welcome to continue the conversation even after you click "Accept.

Thank you and warm regards,

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
Arundhati and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Arundhati
Arundhati
Mental Health Professional
256 Satisfied Customers
Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author