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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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My mother is in the hospital suffering from Pancreatic Cancer.

Resolved Question:

My mother is in the hospital suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. All her doctors told us that they caught it early and that they would try new chemos and hopefully it will work. At the very beginning we asked about what her chances were, and the doctors didn't discuss this with us. No one ever said that her odds were this or that. We went to another hospital in January and they told us about a new treatment - it was very intense and it may or may not work, my mother signed the papers and took the risk. In Feb she started going down hill, and I feel at that point the doctor should have discussed this with her and talk about comfort care and pain management. Maybe it would have spared her life a little. Now she is at the end of it, however no one knows when, but I am feeling among other things a complete sense of loss, emptiness and loneliness. I don't know what I should be feeling right now. And I am angry at the doctors because when they saw her like that, they kept right on pumping her full of all of that.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer.

Of course you are upset, angry, feeling helpless and wish things were different. While your feelings are painful, let me assure you they are completely normal. As you know, pancreatic cancer has a very poor cure rate and it sounds like the new treatment had no guarantee.

Please find someone to talk to about your feelings. You should be feeling angry, empty and lonely right now. You wanted so much to find a way to help your mother and you were not able to do so. You are feeling helpless and maybe a little bit guilty that you couldn't avoid her terrible pain.

I really can't say what the doctors should have done. I do know that chemo is quite toxic and sometimes people die from the chemo, not the cancer. If you feel up to it, talk to the doctors about why they made the decision they did. Maybe having an understanding will help you accept what has happened.

Please accept my condolences for your situation. Let me know if I can be of any further help.

Best to you,

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