Welcome to JA.com. Do you mind if I ask you a questions to better understand your situation and challenges?
Hi are you able to see my typing? Sorry for the typo above, - I'd like to ask a few questions if that's ok?
i do not mind, but i am at work right now .so my responses might be far apart.
No problem. I have some sessions today so we can check in and respond rather than continuous chat. Does that make sense?
Thanks I'll type some questions and you can review and answer them when it's more convenient for you.
My first inclination, is to home in on potential risk. You mentioned wanting to hurt people. What did you mean by this?
Also, you mentioned loosing motivation and feeling really bad. Are these feelings and reactions related to events and/or relationships in your life right now?
its, more of urges. Its really all i think about, if im not watching something ( tv, movie , or playing a game) I havent done anything, but i do have daydreams( even without the music) they are sudden and take over. i havent done anything.
No problem. I didn't get the sense you had done something. I just want to understand what's making you feel angry at those times?
Are these old ways of thinking and feeling from when you were younger? Are there people getting on your nerves right now?
Not really everything has bee quite stable, i just cant focus on anything. i havent had a girlfriend since 2007, i broke up with her.
What sort of things are you loosing interest in after a few months?
How is your sleep and appetite, any problems or changes?
the thing is , im not angry, i dont feel angry, ever. ( i dont understand "Are these old ways of thinking and feeling from when you were younger?)
Learning languages, playing games, going back to college, studying. I also tried to start drawing again, the picture was good, but , i just didnt feel like doing anymore then that one after i had done it. I want to get into Computer Security, I start out excited, then a few weeks, or months later , the "wanting" , dissapears. and i feel as though what i am doing is meaningless.
my sleep schedule has always been, random, , but the one thing that has always been the same, i dont want to get up. my alarm will go off, i hit it and roll over , go back to sleep. doesnt matter if i have work or not, i wait until the very last minute to get up. Appetite wise, i eat , a lot usually, im 6'5 and weigh 280. i do want to loose weight, but, i cant seem to get to the gym consistanly, maybe for one month ill do good , then i stop caring about it. some times im not hungry for a day or two so i dont eat.
Thank you for the detailed information. I'm getting a stronger basic picture here...
Now the headaches, when did they start and are there any identifiable precipitating events or triggers for them?
Also, do you have good "social-support" family, healthy supportive friendships community or spiritual affiliations? Science shows these are protective factors...
...they help you get and stay emotionally healthy.
ive been getting the headaches, for 4/5 months now, i havent been keeping track of when i get them.
well, i live in germany with my mom, because i dont make enough to live on my own over here, my dad , is here too, but we dont get along to well. I work on a military base for aafes, ive been here for about 10 years, i have a few people i consider friends , but when i try to bring anything up them they dont answer , or just shrug. .
no spiritual affiliations, as you put it. I dont see the point.
Back in a sec...
I'm back. Sorry about that.
I've read what you've written here very carefully. Also, thank you for contributing to your national security. Actually providing you with a diagnostic type of statement here is a very short question answer vs longer term counseling/data collection/clinical interviewing context can't provide you with a complete answer to your question. To be honest, I'm concerned about the motivational lags, and the headaches. Sleep and appetite are very, very important as well. The fantasizing and music stuff is likely just a way to try and get some pleasure out of life when things are difficult. I would't place to much of a worried emphasis on these. I'd want to focus on really getting help to work on motivation and enjoying life more. Then the fantasy etc won't be a predominant or important anyway. Have you considered short term, evidence-based counseling to really get your situation assessed and changed?
typo again, our national security. Cursor is jumping around.....
ive thought about going to the Landstuhl regional medical center to speak with a doctor, but by the time i get around to doing it, i feel good again. it feels like im going in circles. everything is repeating.
Well, I would make a point of getting over there. When learning your way out of these behaviors and emotional cycles, one of the most basic strategies is called "acting-in-spite" of how you feel. This means going especially if you're feeling good and definitely if you're not feeling so good. I'd make an appointment ASAP and then just don't think about it and follow through. I'd also ask about getting some short term CBT therapy once medical factors are taken into account. I think 10 sessions of CBT with a strong "Activation component" would be very helpful to some one as smart as you are. Let me take a few minutes to find some links that explain what I mean by CBT and Activation......Back in a sec....
This is what I mean by CBT: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/MY00194
Behavioral activation therapy (the behavioral part of cbt) is a science proven treatment for depressive and especially motivational issues: http://www.christophermartell.com/ba.php
Alright, i will go ahead and try , i have saved the links, I have to begin closeing the store. I appreciate all of the help, how do i get the money to you? do i just press the accept button?