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Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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Hi my name is Rachel(22) I have a friend named Dustin(25) that

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Hi my name is Rachel(22) I have a friend named Dustin(25) that I have been close with for 3 years now. He is actually my best friend because we have everything in common. We are both singer/songwriters, he writes the most beautiful love songs and we even joke about being soul mates. Nobody has been there for me as much as he has. When ever I need him he will be there no matter what. We have gone shopping and have been to a few other places together and he told me I'm the only girl he feels comfortable in public with. He is nice to me all the time although he can be immature if I start talking really serious with him and then he will say he has to go to aviod conversation. He compliments me and has never put me down. I fell in love with him about six months into our friendship but he told me that he is a "sociopath". He always used to talk to a lot of girls but once they get attached he doesn't talk to them anymore. After 3 years of our friendship we started sleeping together and I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he told me he is going to stop seeing a bunch of girls because he wants to find "the one". He talks to me everyday and we have the most amazing time together. I have no idea what he is thinking, he just tells me he loves me but not the way I want him to. Do you have any advice ?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 3 years ago.
Hello Rachel,

Thank you for writing in to Just Answer.

It sounds like you share a very intimate and deep connection with your friend Dustin and he makes you feel very comfortable and is always there when you need him. Those are some great plus points. On the other hand, it sounds like in 3 yrs even though the two of you have been close as friends, and later starting being intimate, he has not yet been able to decide whether he'd like to date/see you and enter into a committed relationship with you. In fact his answer that he will stop seeing girls to find "the one" is vague and it may or may not include you. In other words, he is either not yet sure whether he wants to take the relationship with you further towards a committed romantic relationship or not.

This kind of uncertainty on his part, especially since you mentioned that the two of you share a deep level of friendship, connection and intimacy, is somewhat unusual. It could either mean he is indecisive, or he's not looking for a committed relationship at this point or that he wants to keep all his options open.

So my advice to you would be to set some internal objectives of where you want this to go. For example, you could set an internal time line of how long you want to give him time to decide whether he wants to turn this friendship into a serious relationship If he is unable to decide by then I would encourage you to move on to date other men.

I hope I was able to offer a helpful perspective.

Please let me know if you have any additional questions/thoughts/reactions.

Warm regards,

Arundhati
Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 256
Experience: Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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