How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What can I do about angry people They are fully aware that

Customer Question

What can I do about angry people? They are fully aware that they react poorly to stressful situations, but how can I help them calm down? They currently work out a lot (i.e. swimming 2km/cycling 50km 3-4 times a week), however, I believe it is their home and work life that they react poorly to. Their temper is almost scary and possibly health threatening in the long term. I believe their lack of restful sleep may also cause issues, however, over the counter sleep aids do not seem to help (208 lb athletic male - he'd take maybe... 9 benedryls before he felt the effects?)

Methods that do not involve meditation (he is adverse to meditation), or hopefully prescription medication would be preferred.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.

Mark Manley :

Hi are you still there

Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
What Happens Now?

Your chat has ended, but you can still work with your Expert to get an answer to your question if you have not yet received one.

Come back to this page at any time to see additional information from your Expert.  You will also receive an email when your question is updated.  If you want to send a message to your Expert, use the box below.

If you have already received a satisfactory answer to your question, click the Accept button above.  Experts are credited for each accepted answer they provide.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I'm still here. The chat ended before I had a chance to reply.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

This person may want to see their doctor first to rule out any medical condition that could cause them to act out. You are correct about the sleep issue. Lack of sleep can make it harder to control your feelings, especially stronger emotions like anger. The doctor may recommend a sleep study to get to the bottom of why this person is not sleeping. The doctor could also prescribe medications to help induce sleep until the cause is found.

 

Does this person use alcohol or drugs? This could adversely affect their moods and cause sleep disturbances. Steroids in particular can cause extreme anger responses.

 

You can help the situation by remaining calm when this person becomes angry. It is hard, I know, in the face of such a frightening and strong emotional response, but the more calm you remain, the more likely this person will mirror your reaction and calm down themselves. Take a deep breath and see if he will do the same. Do it until you feel he is calming down.

 

Would this person consider anger management classes? That might be a good start in helping him learn techniques on controlling his anger and learning better ways to channel his feelings.

 

Also, would he consider counseling? This is also an excellent way to learn ways to cope and it would also help him get to the bottom of the anger, as long as any physical cause is ruled out. Have him talk with the doctor for a referral or he can search on line for a therapist at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

Does he have any spiritual beliefs? Sometimes, people can find solace in their faith. There is also a lot of support through church programs. Talking with a pastor can help in that they can provide ways faith helps with anger issues.

 

Here are some books that may help as well:

 

Rage: A Step-by-step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger by Ronald T. Potter-Efron

 

Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life by Thomas J. Harbin

 

Angry All the Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control by Ronald T. Potter-Efron

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

If at any time you feel this person's anger gets out of control and it is directed at you, leave immediately. Also, keep a cell phone on you with emergency numbers on speed dial in case you cannot get away quickly. I don't want to scare you, but it never hurts to be prepared.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Kate,

Thanks so much for the comprehensive reply. No, this person does not take alcohol or drugs. He tries to avoid them if he can as he does not want to build up resistance to these things. I have noticed that he is markedly happier when he is well-rested, which is why I brought up sleep as a potential factor. We've ruled out bed problems and the such since the bed is new.

I do not think he would ever consider counseling or spirituality. I suppose the best way to describe his personality is that he is extremely...masculine. He grew up with a father who believes that emotions such as crying would be a symbol of weakness, and he also works in an extremely male-dominated trade. As such, the idea of 'asking for help' by going to counseling (or any form thereof) would be considered 'weak.' As such, I believe that his reaction to any sort of deep emotion, whether it involves him or not, causes him to react in anger. He is also unable to communicate effectively during conflicts, i.e. it is very difficult for him to apologize, and if he does, he sounds extremely frustrated/angry.

This anger frequently spills across his relationships, though he does not notice it. He will either be extremely snappy to seemingly benign questions (asking him what he wants for dinner will do it, for example), or he will show his affection in a teasing manner that, if done too frequently, can be hurtful.

I know it's a bit of a challenge and I'll accept any ideas that you have. I will definitely try and stay calm in front of his anger in hopes that he will mirror my behavior.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for the additional information.

 

It sounds like he learned this behavior from his family and was taught that to show any emotions besides "masculine" ones was a bad thing. When he is faced with an emotion that is off limits, it causes him to feel threatened and maybe even scared. It calls into question his "maleness" and so he becomes angry. It may also touch on feelings he has about his parents not accepting him for who he was as a child.

 

Since he is refusing to help himself, that leaves you to decide how you want to handle the situation. What you can do is educate yourself and try introducing helpful ideas into the situation. It will also help you learn how to respond in the best way possible. Read the books, learn from information on line (be careful to stay to reputable sites), maybe even consider a support group. You might also want to consider seeing a therapist yourself to help you cope and to get ideas on how to deal with him.

 

I don't know who this person is to you, but if it's a non relative relationship you can always leave. It's not an easy option, but if he won't get help, it might be the only option.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Dear Kate,

I will definitely check out those books, and look into how I can respond to his anger. Empathy seems to work, sometimes, and the longer he stays away from his work and/or family seem to calm him down significantly. I.e. he is much different on a Sunday afternoon than he is on a Tuesday night.

I also looked into potential vitamin deficiencies and he is willing to take those (so long as they are in gummy format). We'll see if that helps out as well. He has been craving the sun recently.

Thanks so much for your detailed response. It shows care and passion for what you do.

Kind regards,
Lily

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

You are welcome! Sounds like you have some very good ideas to help him with the anger issues.

 

Take care,

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions