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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have a husband that is angry at me frequently but has never

Resolved Question:

I have a husband that is angry at me frequently but has never threatened to have an affair on me. However, today we were in disagreement regarding an additional place to purchase and said "I am not going to be prisoner of our home and I'm pushing 50. I'll have an affair on you and I know I can"! Now this has put a whole new topic in place not to mention the original discussion.

My question to you is~should I be worried? Does this mean he has someone in mind or on a back burner? Or does it just mean he is trying to get his way by making me live in fear? It's all very sad and confusing and I would certainly appreciate any advice you can share with me.

Thanks for your time.

Caroline
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It does sound like this could be one of two things. Either your husband is considering an affair, or he is using the idea of an affair as a threat to control you.

 

From your description of his behavior, it does sound like he is using the idea of an affair as a threat. You mentioned that he tries to control other areas of your life like how much you work and by coming home yelling at you and criticizing you. These are all indications that he is trying to control you.

 

Somewhere along the line, he picked up that you find the idea of him having an affair upsetting. Maybe you have talked about it or it came up in an argument. Either way, he knows this information and is now using it against you.

 

There is also a small possibility that he is really having an affair. There may be signs you can look for to tell if he is cheating. Has his behavior changed a lot recently? Does he take more care in grooming or has he lost weight? Has he stopped coming home during the week or been gone more over the weekend? These are some of the changes in behavior to look out for.

 

Do you feel your husband would be willing to go to counseling? The issues in your marriage need to be addressed and his treatment of you should change. He needs to learn better ways to communicate and how to deal with his anger issues.

 

What he is doing to you is a form of emotional abuse. There is also a site that can help you learn more about his behavior and what you can do to help yourself:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

Are there any friends or family you can turn to for support? It is important that you have others you can turn to if you need extra support or if the situation gets worse.

 

You also might want to consider seeing a counselor if your husband refuses. Talk with your doctor about a referral or if you attend church, your pastor can help. You can also search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings and determine how you can respond better to your husband's issues.

 

I hope this helps you,
Kate

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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