I do not think you are happy being upset, rather I think this is a habit. You may be used to this kind of crisis and drama in your life. It is familiar, comfortable. Maybe this is due to low self-esteem or insecurity as you called it. The best way to manage your anxiety and build your self-esteem is to seek therapy and work on improving yourself. You are at a great age to make some changes that will improve the rest of your life.
Yes I have been told im insecure
Right now i do have alot in my life.....i dont necessarily like it
however, im not sure I would listen to a therapist.....if they tell you to sit and draw pretty pictures of sunshine and flowers (things that make you ahppy)
Well, you may not listen to a therapist but then again you may find it useful. Right now you are not happy with your life. Doing nothing will ensure that things stay as they are. Doing anything at least gives you a chance at a different life. Give therapy a try, I doubt you will be drawing happy pictures, unless you want to. Find a therapist you feel comfortable working with and give it 3 sessions before you judge if it will be helpful or not. What have you got to lose, except misery?
could potentially lose money, and at my age......being a student, we cant afford to do that too often
If you are in college, most colleges have a counseling center. These centers are low or no cost. Check it out. If they don't, look for an agency that charges on a sliding fee, being a student you would pay very little. The United Way has a resource line and website that includes such agencies, call 2-1-1 or go to www.211.org. It may cost you a little bit right now but seeking help now will probably save you a lot of unhappiness and money in the future.
Dealing with your anxiety and low self-esteem will help you be more successful in school, work and relationships. You can't afford to wait.
just one last thing, what if the one thing that causes most of my unhappiness is also the one thing that gives me the most joy??
That would be something you would need to take a very close look at. You may have to decide if it is giving you enough joy to warrant the unhappiness. It would probably be important to find other sources of joy. It is still possible to improve yourself and create a life with lots of sources of joy.
ok thanks very much