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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5580
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Alcohol... Hi I have researched alcholism on the net as I suspect

Resolved Question:

Alcohol... Hi I have researched alcholism on the net as I suspect that my boyfriend might be one, only he doesnt fit in all the criteras for such a condition. He drinks very evening after work,at least 3 litres of beer. 4-5 nights a week he is really really drunk. He suffers from insomnia, blacks out at least once a month, he always make sure he has alchol avaliable, he doesnt hide his drinking, and just teels me to ignore him when he is really drunk. His mood changes when he drinks, he is unpedictable, either emotional og picking a fight. Lately he has had flue symptoms, tingeling in hands and arms, stommack problems, but no weightloss, and he is certain he hasnt got a problem, as he can keep a job.... Please what do you think? Im exhausted with him...... although he is a wonderful man when he is sober...... Thanks an sorry about my spelling, Im not English
kind regards Tine
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

I think you are right when you suspect your boyfriend is an alcoholic. When he drinks that often and to the point of being drunk and cannot do without alcohol, then he does have a problem.

 

The issue with alcoholics is that they deny their drinking problems. So when you ask, are you having a problem with alcohol, they will say no. It is this denial that needs to be worked through so once they realize they have a problem, they can start to recover.

 

Confronting him will only go so far since it sounds like he is in denial. But you can try an intervention, if you feel you have enough support to do so. An intervention is when you and other people affected by your boyfriend's drinking all get together and, with the help of a therapist, you confront him with his drinking problem. Here is a link to help you get a better understanding of how an intervention works:

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa100897.htm

 

If you chose to not do an intervention, then it is left up to your boyfriend to figure out he has a problem. Usually, this means hitting bottom. By that I mean things must get so bad in his life as a result of the drinking that he has no choice but to see the drinking as a problem. For example, he may lose his job, lose his friends, and his health. Once a person sees that they have lost everything, they begin to understand it is because of the drinking. It is then the denial is broken through. Some people do not make it to that point. They become too sick or ignore the warning signs and keep drinking until they die.

 

At this point you can chose to leave the relationship. It would be difficult, but it may be necessary. And it may help him break through the denial.

 

If you so chose, staying in the relationship means that you will have to deal with your boyfriend's use. Some people feel that if they stay, they can help. But usually alcoholics do not want help. They want someone who will support their drinking. That is where it becomes difficult for you. You can seek out support through programs. I am not sure what programs are available in your country, but I can offer you some links to ones here in the U.S. and you might be able to find sources on line or similar programs in your country.

 

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

 

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/alanon/Support_Groups_for_Families.htm

 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/support-groups/MY01184

 

Here are some books that may help you as well:

 

Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening. by Robert J. Meyers Ph. D. and Brenda L. Wolfe Ph.D.

 

Addict In The Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery. by Beverly Conyers

 

You can find these on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I haven't heard from you. Do you have more questions or want clarification on anything?

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5580
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Sorry, was cooking dinner. Thanks for your anwser. I do realize its a decesion only I can make, its just a lonely situation, where I sometimes feel Im going nuts, as I constantly have to remind myself what reality is, as he lives a different one for me. In that I just needed to know that I wasnt making things up! An intervension is not possible as we live in different countries, but I think I just need to be firm and stand my ground on not wanting to partisipate in the alternbate world he is in when he is drunk- that I can do as we dont life together. However we are planning to, but I can contain waiting seeing how things pan out when I stand my ground more firmly. Thanks for your anwser. I will look over some of the links............. kind regards
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I know, it is hard, especially when he is sober and seems so normal and ok. But it is better that you stand your ground now than have to deal with this being married to him or even in a long term relationship.

 

You seem to have a good grasp on how you want to deal with this and that is very good. If you can, build some support for yourself so you do not have to deal with the stress of this alone.

 

Let me know if I can be of more help to you,

Kate

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.